i've probably lost it.

so.
i'm pretty sure i've lost it.

why? well.
 
i recently went to a lovely little crepe cafe with my roommates. (so delicious)
i saw they were hiring.

red flag number 1: "hey, i should apply, just for fun."

so i emailed them.

and they emailed me back and offered me an interview the next day.

red flag number 2: "i should totally do this. this is a good idea. accept that interview invitation!"

red flag number 3: "i know i already have a job, but how fun would it be to work there, too?!"

fun, guys.

fun.

what the freaking heck allowed my mind to place 2 jobs, 13 credits and fun in the same thought?

i honestly have no explanations. 

anyway.

5 minutes into my interview:

"we'd love to have you as a part of our team here. can you come in for orientation tomorrow?"

wait.

what?

• what i thought: saynokailey,lastchancetobackout,saynosaynosaynosayno....

• what i said: definitely!

so...now i have 2 jobs.

hey. at least this'll be good for the old "kailey wants to go to paris" fund. right?

on the down side- this whole situation has given me severe anxiety attacks (okayokayokay, lets be honest: what doesnt?) and i basically feel like i might throw up at any given moment. for real.

 

other proof that i'm probably losing it:

(the following is a piece of the recurrent string of thoughts that's been constantly plaguing me.)

i hate people.

i love people.

i wish people would ask me to hang out.

eww. seriously? why'd i agree to go out?!

how come no one ever asks me on dates?

dates are awkward. why cant i just sit in my dorm and read all day?

food.

i'm exhausted.

insomniaaaaaaa.

food again.

someone pleassseee talk to me!

uggghh. quit talking to me. i dont want to talk.

i should switch things up. variety. keep things interesting.

heck no, i will not break my routine!

and now you understand how it feels to be inside kailey's head. 

(i know. i'm confused too.)

my life is like one big ball of irony.

(please do the world a favor and learn what the word ironic actually means.) 

(i promise, i'm using it correctly...but you probably aren't.)

 whatevs.

i like to think that these nonsensical, irrational thoughts add to my nonexistant? charm.

okay. i sincerely apologize for wasting your time with this jumble of ill-conceived words.

if anything, hopefully someone who reads this receives the comfort of knowing that: they're not alone in their satirical musings. 

• or maybe i'm just a new, completely unique kind of twisted.

• its all good though.....remember? adds to my charm.

on a happier note:

christmas music is finally on the radio! <3

i found some jeans for 7$!

i made some hot chocolate from the packets my family bought in italy!

in parting: please don't be fooled by my cynical tone.

life is decent.

love you all <3