redefining pessimism.

it's no small secret; i'm constantly vocalizing the negative points of every situation.
for real though.
in high school, they used to call me rain cloud.
(head's up if you're the jerk that started that.  just because someone is good at faking happiness doesn't mean they are happy...you of all people should know that; isn't your life basically a facade?)
anyway. it's all good. no hard feelings.
i earned the "rain cloud" nickname because i don't care much for hiding annoyance or overdoing optimism.
however; if people would have taken the time to get to know me, they would probably have learned that i also believe that:

when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

as i was driving around town today, i decided: sometimes the worst things in life, are the best things.

let me explain through some examples from my life.

when we went to europe, delta lost our luggage. ("a blue bag? i'm sorry, we have no record of a blue bag.")

the bad: 

• we wore the same clothes for days. 
• quality complimentary delta shirts as an apology. seriously? (oh yes. they were pretty freaking serious.)
•   whatifwenevergetourstuffback!?

the good: 

• we got to buy ourselves clothes. in europe. that would later be refunded. (did you know there is a ridiculous amount of h&ms in europe?)
• we eventually were all reunited with our luggage. 
• and it made for one heck of a story(s)

i've had minimal friends most of my life. (and that's counting the fake ones!)
the bad: 

• i've experienced some intense loneliness
• i've often wondered what's wrong with me? (to which the answer is a resounding  nothing. you do not need to change who you are for anyone. ever.) 

the good: 

• i'm a pretty great friend. (at least, i think so!)
• i've been able to help countless people realize that it's okay to feel and be different.
• i'm an incredible judge of character. seriously, fakeness and insincerity are almost tangible to me! (i'm still not as good as my parents, but i'm getting there!)
• my parents are my best friends. seriously though. enough of the "teenage girls always fight with their mothers" crap! i'm living proof that that is a fallacy. 

boys hate me. (in other words, i don't get asked on many dates.) 
the bad:

• even more internal what's wrong with me? questioning.

the good: 

• i get to date myself! i cannot stress enough the facts that 

1. i am the best date ever. i get to do whatever the crap i want, and however i want to do it! no awkward silences. no small talk. it's so lovely.
2. dating oneself gives a major confidence boost. 

• i'm one of the few girls who can accept the fact that: i do not need a boy to complete me.
• i'm an unbiased relationship counselor!
• through both lack of friends and dating, ive realized: i'd rather i go through the crappiness of life alone if it means i can make sure other people never have to feel that brand of loneliness. (alone as in peers. my parents on the other hand, have been there every step of the way.) (seriously, don't feel lonely if this is something you struggle with. i'm right here.)

i had to spend 200$ on brakes because my car is an idiot.
the bad:

• um? 200$. enough said.

the good:   

• this gave me extreme money anxiety, so i found another (as in second) job!

• at a crepe place.
• crepes basically make life worth living.

• now i can buy stuff (i.e food) without feeling guilty for spending money.
• most people have a hard time finding a job. (as in one.) me? oh, you know. just juggling two.

don't get me wrong: i focused on the bad during these situations. (pessimist, remember?).
however...
please note: all of "the good" sections are longer than "the bad"
i'm convinced. sometimes the most awful times of our lives are actually doors for the best times/stories/attributes we will ever have. 
those adversities are sneaky buggers!

in other news!
this week i wrote a 4 page draft. in an hour. basically no effort was put into that draft, because i knowingly put it off til the last minute!
i emailed this draft to my teacher for teacher review conferences.
she told me: "your draft had a very unique voice. it was so refreshing! you have a natural ability to communicate."

success!

what i've gained from this is: some of my best work comes from procrastination, and maybe i should do it more often.

(but you didn't learn that from me, kids!) 

also- i got a really not fun cold this week.

my sweet dad brought me a smoothie, multiple cans of soup, cough drops, mucinex, advil and drove all the way to provo to give me a blessing.

once again, world's best father award, goes to my daddy.

annnnddd: itsalmostthanksgiving!

the heavens opened, and the angels rejoiced!

just a few short days and then the freedom of thanksgiving break will be upon us!

so hang in there, guys.

love you all.

à bientôt, mes amis!