how to make a girl like you.

hellooooo, my dears.

school is upon us.
yuck.
who even likes school?
granted: i hate college a lot less than i hated high school. but. that doesn't mean i enjoy homework.
anyway. today in my french class the teacher told us we'd have to pray in french in front of the class.
oh dear. (let's just hope daughter is not like father, otherwise kailey might end up praying to santa.) (love you daddy.)

anyway.
recently my 10 year old (brother, that is; i do not have a child.) was talking to me, and he said (and i may or may not be abusing my authoristic liberties as to the exact words that were spoken...):
"kailey, oh lovely and kind sister. i'm so glad you've graced me with your presence today, for i have something i'd like to say to you, oh beautiful one- i know how to make a girl like me!"
naturally, i inquired.
"please explain, you charming little guy!"
"well. you just have to laugh at all of her jokes! even if they're not funny. and if they're too stupid to laugh at...do a pretend  laugh and say something like: oh yeah, that's happened to me before!"

oh, the wisdom.
he then proceeded to ask:
"you're a girl!" (hey, thanks for noticing!) "what do you think a boy has to do to make a girl like him?'

i bet all you males are dying to know, so...why not answer that question publicly, on my wildly popular blog?
(i'm mostly kidding about the wildly popular thing.)
**disclaimer: these aren't necessarily true in every situation. but, i feel that they are valid, worth sharing points.

here goes nothing:

how to make a girl like you:

(or at least improve your chances.) 

• hygiene. seriously. brush your teeth, do your hair, care about how you look. shave. 
• boys: maybe this is my vanity talking but, i actually do appreciate a well dressed man. 
• please. no one likes a mountain man beard. who knows what could be stuck in that nastiness!?
•  clip your fingernails. boys with woman like fingernails, or nasty, long, dirty fingernails actually make me a little big sick.  
• we like it when you smell good.

• this one's tricky. you've got to have a good sense of humor. however, everyone's definition of funny is different. so. deal with that.
• i am always right, but don't just go with everything i say. let me explain: i like to win arguments. i really like to win. and i like it when a person realizes that about me, and therefore will let me win. but. i don't want it easily. argue with me a bit. have your own opinion. make me see your side of things. maybe you can even be right once in a while! (but i'm still more right. so.)
• stop asking us to hang out. if it's a freaking date, just. tell. us. 
• on the other hand: don't rush the whole: "date" thing. i think i speak for all the socially awkward girls out there when i say: i want to be your friend before i'm your dating friend.
• be respectful of a girls schedule. don't try to keep me up all night. i probably  don't want a 3am phone call/snapchat/text. please don't mess with my precious sleeping time.
• find some common interests. this is self explanatory. you've got to have a base for a friendship. common interests are a great place to start.
• don't be the same person as me. explanation: yes. it is good to have common interests, but, hey. it doesn't hurt to be different. uniqueness is attractive. show me your brand of different!
• maybe this is just me, but i'm a fan of quirky. your little quirks make you, you. if you want a girl to like you, she's got to like you for the good, the bad and the quirk!
• could just be me again, but...guys: it's nice when you pick up on our little quirks.
• don't be overly ready to touch. come on, personal bubble. my body is private property.  before you are invited into my personal bubble, i have to want you there. 
• don't be a chauvinist. chivalry is kind of hot. open the door for me. be polite. 
• i know it's scary, but if you are interested in a girl, and she's not talking to you, talk to her first. nothing will happen if you don't speak up!
• as far as flirting goes...you might be overdoing the whole "winking" thing. there's a time and a place for winking. but those times and places are few and far between. 
• tell me i look nice, but don't make it awkward. girls aren't that complicated. a simple: "i really like your shirt!" or "your hair looks great today!" will suffice.  
• if you know i'm proud of certain talents,  focus on those! lots of girls are self conscious, so reinforce what we are already proud of!
• please don't stare deeply into my eyes and profess your uncontrollable attraction to me. that's creepy.

• listen to her. show me that you care about what i have to say. tell me your opinion on what i'm discussing with you.
• care about your body. we don't need you to be a perfect abercrombie model (no complaints if you are, though.) but come on. at least try a little!
• just...go with it! sometimes unexpected and unplanned is exciting....(sometimes.)
• be charming. wit+intelligence+politeness= charm.
• it's okay to tease us, but don't be a jerk about it. again with the self esteem. it's a fragile thing. its fun to tease and banter...but careful not to hit a sore spot!
• be reliable. show up on time, follow through on (even the small) commitments!
• don't be a cheapskate. don't try to take a girl to mcdonalds. let her know that you think she is worth your money.  
• and honestly: do not complain about gas prices etc... especially if you were the one who wanted to go out in the first place!
• acknowledge her! if you see her, say hello!
• don't be overbearing. desperation isn't cute. 
• take a hint. look, i'm sorry. but certain people just weren't meant to be. take a hint. if i'm acting annoyed, i probably am.  
• don't be sad if we reject you. and perhaps more importantly: don't be a jerk if we reject you! i think that every guy should be given at least one chance  (as long as he isn't a closet raper!), but if a girl says no the next time, it doesn't mean they don't like you. they just don't want to lead you on. it's probably an attempt to spare your feelings.  and hey! don't worry; i might not want to date you, but we can probably still be friends!

oh geez.

i did not plan on spending an hour on that...

so hopefully someone appreciates it.

stay cute, everyone.

(don't worry; if you read my blog, you're probably cute.)

<3