an introvert's guide to being bored.

being an introvert is tough.
maybe introvert is the wrong word? 
is there a word for someone who is pathologically awkward, hates people but still craves human interaction, would prefer to stay home with their parents all day but gets mad because they don't, you know, know anyone?
would someone please make a word for that? it would be much appreciated.
anyway.
being a person who matches the explanation above, is no picnic. especially when boredom strikes.

so, in my best attempt to help all of my cute little intvovertpessimistanthropophobicanxietyridden amigos:

 the following is a compilation of tips, ideas and general information about boredom and how to go about curing it.

• your coolness/hotness is intimidating. the only reason you didn't get invited to do something is because everyone is jealous of you. probably. 
• call your mom. then call your dad. it is best to call them each separately, because then you get 2 conversations, and waste more time.
• take a walk around campus with your lovely like minded roommate. whenever happy couples  pass by, make sure to loudly discuss what a fantastic time you are having. laugh really loud, and all that jazz.
• if you have chosen to go see a movie, make sure
• its not sold out
• have a back up plan in case it is sold out
• sneak in lots of contraband cheap non movie theater food

• its okay to go to your back up, back up movie 10 minutes late.  the first 10 minutes probably weren't crucial anyway.
• googling things such as "how to meet people" or "what to do in provo, utah" probably won't be super helpful. just throwing that out there.
• food is actually never a bad idea.
• bake some cookies
• buy some brownies
• heck, buy a whole pizza! you totes have my permission.

• text/snapchat every boy you know important questions such as:
• do boys shampoo their beards?

•  start a blog. this is guaranteed to waste at least an hour or two!
• its okay to call your parents more than once.
• netflix.
• beware: this only lasts as long as the show/movie you pick. go for something with more than one season.
• i'd recommend prison break, if you like intensity, chopping off body parts and/or broken hearts.

• do your dishes. just kidding. (kind of.)
• go bowling. don't worry. i'm pretty sure bowling is like golf. aim for a low score. i'm almost positive that gutter balls are actually admirable.
• go to the dollar store and buy yourself random stuff. (the same can be done at a pharmacy, fyi.)
• call your parents. it's totally a cool thing to do. i think. 
• go to a bookstore. buy a book. read the book. eat some yummy bookstore food.
• play a game! no. no. no. no matter how bored you are, don't be that desperate.
• unless it's a princess game. then maybe thats okay.

• tell really bad funny jokes. par exemple:
• why do you never hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom?
• they have a silent p(ee)!
• that one literally never gets old. 

• take a nap. couches and floors are surprisingly great places to do this.
• if all else fails: it's totally fine. just call your parents, and eat more food.

i've personally found these bullet points to be quite effective in understanding and curing boredom.
but, unfortunately, sometimes boredom is just uncurable. 
sorry.
deal with it.  
good luck in all your boredom curing endeavors/adventures, cutie pies!
<3 

dear boys.

okayokayokay.

i know that this is probably going to sound a bit odd, coming from antisocial kailey of all people, but after a lengthy discussion with my roommate tonight... i just feel the need to highlight some of the (what we thought were obvious) character traits that make the girls in apartment 123 (my roommates and i) completely dateable.

granted, there is the whole "we're scared of people and socializing makes us uncomfortable" thing...but that doesn't make what i'm about to say any less valid. comprende?

so.

dear boys,

1. my roommates and i make really good food. as avid food lovers, we are competent and capable in all things delicious. what college student isn't hungry? why is this not-so-hidden talent not attracting its deserved attention? boys: we would totally make you a sandwich...as long as we got to eat at least half of it.
2. we are really good homemakers. okay. so maybe it's been a while since any of us touched the alarming pile of dishes in our sink, however, if like, a cute boy came over, we'd totally clean. all of the dishes. that's a big deal. we might even write nice things on our cute little chalkboard/whiteboard wall dots. just saying. 
3. we are so. freaking. funny. no, really. i'll admit... much of our humor is skewed and okayfine maybe twisted, or hard to understand...it's the thought that counts.
4. 2 out of 3 of us have cars. just saying. and #3 has a bike. with a basket. how cute would you look sitting in a basket, boys? (probably totes adorbs.)
5. we have chore charts. that kind of dedication is admirable, no?
6. we know where to buy really good chocolate. the necessities, obviously.
7. our social awkwardness is endearing.  what?
8. we know how to sneak incredible popcorn into movie theaters. but of course we never would. that's wrong.
9. as proven by the above statement, we have morals.
10. we are beautiful... sometimes you just have to look a bit harder to find the freaking beauty, okay!? we have good personalities...i think.
11. we do brilliant things. for example: late night dollar store runs. peanut butter chocolate chip sandwiches. random brownie buying excursions. life size thor cut out. chore charts. we work on a reward system. that's called fun. hooray!
12. um. we shower a lot. yippee for hygiene! 
13. we draw really well. okay, sort of. i mean, depending on your definition of "well". artistic liberty, okay? 
14. we are best friends with our parents. i mean... i mean...what...mom...
15. also we have really cute decorations. case in point: thor.  (we dress him up for holidays, you know.)
16. we are such talented self esteem boosters. we basically have self esteem boosting parties every night.
17. we speak fluent book and movie quotes. cultured. pop cultured.
18. we love presents, and are therefore fantastic gift givers.
19. we are awesome listeners. even if we aren't completely paying attention. 
20. we aren't judgmental. at least not out loud.
21. we......aren't racist...this one explains itself. 

i get it. we're intimidating.
(heck, we even have pepper spray.)
and maybe you're thinking: if i asked one of them out, i'd just make them uncomfortable.
well, you're right.
but still.
we have been at byu for a couple of semesters now...we have to start getting asked on dates sometime. (even if we would probably rather staying home, eating our troubles away and reading all night.)
 
***please note: this is not a cry for attention. we'd actually prefer to avoid your attention. we just were severely confused as to why, with all of these attractive qualities, boys hate us.

anyway.
moral of the story: the girls of 123 are so desirable. you probably wish your girlfriend was hot like us.
just kidding. (sort of.)

sincerely,

kailey, kassidy and mariah.
<3

define: beauty

welcome to the world, darling. here's a list of expectations:
you must turn yourself into the perfect temptation.
the people of the world are counting on you,
they'll be watching and judging everything that you do.

you're not really hungry, put that food down.
the mirror was showing a few extra pounds.
don't you dare believe that you are worth something more
you are your appearance and the clothes that you wore.
you're sad on the inside, but don't let it show.
you have too many weaknesses, no one can know.
have an opinion that matches what's socially acceptable,
copy what you see in the media, make yourself susceptible.

these standards and more are what women must face.
constantly pressured to be the image of elegance and grace.
step away from the toilet, remove the finger from your throat.
you're perfect, despite what the magazines wrote.
throw away the bottle of pills, it's okay to feel down.
if you ignore your emotions, surely you'll drown.
away with the scale, you are more than a number.
wake up! society has left you in a mind-numbing slumber.

have you ever felt so numb and removed that it causes physical pain?
do you wake up in the morning, thinking there's nothing to gain?
when did it become a sin to love who you are?
who says it's all that bad to be a little bit bizarre?
aren't you tired of seeking safety inside skin you've been taught to detest?
aren't you tired of being told that you're not good enough at your best?

stop letting people tell you who, when, why and how to love.
i know it's hard to do, but you must try to rise above.
ignore what people say. you know, they're jealous for good reason.
by putting yourself first, you have committed no treason.
since when does society get to decide and control whats beautiful?
beauty is a decision that comes from within. it should not be dutiful.
the world will constantly tell you that you fail to meet expectations.
but you are more than a slave to seduction and flirtation.

enough with the embarrassment for the things that  make you unique.
you have a capable voice, don't swallow it! speak!
stop sneaking past the mirror, and avoiding your reflection.
the person staring back at you is worth further inspection.
the world would have us change this physicality and that,
but you are a person worth loving, and not a stepping mat.

there is beauty in the way your eyes crinkle when you smile.
a beauty so incredible, people feel the need to beguile.
you don't need any cream to smooth out your fascinations
your laughter can feed lonely hearts,  don't leave them in starvation.
stop obsessing over your body, it will inevitably die.
instead, focus on the legacy that you can leave behind.

you don't need laxatives or diet pills to slim your personality.
don't allow yourself to drown in this destructive mentality.
take a moment to reexamine the miracle that is you.
the world has so many cracks, and you can be the glue.

you are more than your waistline and you are more than your past.
you are the brilliant thoughts you think and your potential is vast.
you are the people you have helped and the lives that you will save.
you are worth years and years of living, you don't deserve an early grave.
words cannot define you, regardless of the standards pounded into your mind.
you are different, you are good enough, you are strong, you are kind.

you may not believe it, but that doesn't make it less true.
the world is in need of the lovely that is you.
forget the whispered criticisms, they aren't worth a second thought.
forget the unfair fallacies of perfection that you've been taught.
start looking in the mirror and liking what you see.
no matter how much you want to deny it, you are not the enemy.

in the dictionary and among society, beauty has the wrong definition.
cross it out, and redefine it. that is your life's mission.
it might not be easy, and it might feel like a lie.
but once you start to love yourself, you'll be unable to deny.
you aren't flawless, you aren't perfect, but that is okay.
start learning to love yourself, today is the day.

how to make a girl like you.

hellooooo, my dears.

school is upon us.
yuck.
who even likes school?
granted: i hate college a lot less than i hated high school. but. that doesn't mean i enjoy homework.
anyway. today in my french class the teacher told us we'd have to pray in french in front of the class.
oh dear. (let's just hope daughter is not like father, otherwise kailey might end up praying to santa.) (love you daddy.)

anyway.
recently my 10 year old (brother, that is; i do not have a child.) was talking to me, and he said (and i may or may not be abusing my authoristic liberties as to the exact words that were spoken...):
"kailey, oh lovely and kind sister. i'm so glad you've graced me with your presence today, for i have something i'd like to say to you, oh beautiful one- i know how to make a girl like me!"
naturally, i inquired.
"please explain, you charming little guy!"
"well. you just have to laugh at all of her jokes! even if they're not funny. and if they're too stupid to laugh at...do a pretend  laugh and say something like: oh yeah, that's happened to me before!"

oh, the wisdom.
he then proceeded to ask:
"you're a girl!" (hey, thanks for noticing!) "what do you think a boy has to do to make a girl like him?'

i bet all you males are dying to know, so...why not answer that question publicly, on my wildly popular blog?
(i'm mostly kidding about the wildly popular thing.)
**disclaimer: these aren't necessarily true in every situation. but, i feel that they are valid, worth sharing points.

here goes nothing:

how to make a girl like you:

(or at least improve your chances.) 

• hygiene. seriously. brush your teeth, do your hair, care about how you look. shave. 
• boys: maybe this is my vanity talking but, i actually do appreciate a well dressed man. 
• please. no one likes a mountain man beard. who knows what could be stuck in that nastiness!?
•  clip your fingernails. boys with woman like fingernails, or nasty, long, dirty fingernails actually make me a little big sick.  
• we like it when you smell good.

• this one's tricky. you've got to have a good sense of humor. however, everyone's definition of funny is different. so. deal with that.
• i am always right, but don't just go with everything i say. let me explain: i like to win arguments. i really like to win. and i like it when a person realizes that about me, and therefore will let me win. but. i don't want it easily. argue with me a bit. have your own opinion. make me see your side of things. maybe you can even be right once in a while! (but i'm still more right. so.)
• stop asking us to hang out. if it's a freaking date, just. tell. us. 
• on the other hand: don't rush the whole: "date" thing. i think i speak for all the socially awkward girls out there when i say: i want to be your friend before i'm your dating friend.
• be respectful of a girls schedule. don't try to keep me up all night. i probably  don't want a 3am phone call/snapchat/text. please don't mess with my precious sleeping time.
• find some common interests. this is self explanatory. you've got to have a base for a friendship. common interests are a great place to start.
• don't be the same person as me. explanation: yes. it is good to have common interests, but, hey. it doesn't hurt to be different. uniqueness is attractive. show me your brand of different!
• maybe this is just me, but i'm a fan of quirky. your little quirks make you, you. if you want a girl to like you, she's got to like you for the good, the bad and the quirk!
• could just be me again, but...guys: it's nice when you pick up on our little quirks.
• don't be overly ready to touch. come on, personal bubble. my body is private property.  before you are invited into my personal bubble, i have to want you there. 
• don't be a chauvinist. chivalry is kind of hot. open the door for me. be polite. 
• i know it's scary, but if you are interested in a girl, and she's not talking to you, talk to her first. nothing will happen if you don't speak up!
• as far as flirting goes...you might be overdoing the whole "winking" thing. there's a time and a place for winking. but those times and places are few and far between. 
• tell me i look nice, but don't make it awkward. girls aren't that complicated. a simple: "i really like your shirt!" or "your hair looks great today!" will suffice.  
• if you know i'm proud of certain talents,  focus on those! lots of girls are self conscious, so reinforce what we are already proud of!
• please don't stare deeply into my eyes and profess your uncontrollable attraction to me. that's creepy.

• listen to her. show me that you care about what i have to say. tell me your opinion on what i'm discussing with you.
• care about your body. we don't need you to be a perfect abercrombie model (no complaints if you are, though.) but come on. at least try a little!
• just...go with it! sometimes unexpected and unplanned is exciting....(sometimes.)
• be charming. wit+intelligence+politeness= charm.
• it's okay to tease us, but don't be a jerk about it. again with the self esteem. it's a fragile thing. its fun to tease and banter...but careful not to hit a sore spot!
• be reliable. show up on time, follow through on (even the small) commitments!
• don't be a cheapskate. don't try to take a girl to mcdonalds. let her know that you think she is worth your money.  
• and honestly: do not complain about gas prices etc... especially if you were the one who wanted to go out in the first place!
• acknowledge her! if you see her, say hello!
• don't be overbearing. desperation isn't cute. 
• take a hint. look, i'm sorry. but certain people just weren't meant to be. take a hint. if i'm acting annoyed, i probably am.  
• don't be sad if we reject you. and perhaps more importantly: don't be a jerk if we reject you! i think that every guy should be given at least one chance  (as long as he isn't a closet raper!), but if a girl says no the next time, it doesn't mean they don't like you. they just don't want to lead you on. it's probably an attempt to spare your feelings.  and hey! don't worry; i might not want to date you, but we can probably still be friends!

oh geez.

i did not plan on spending an hour on that...

so hopefully someone appreciates it.

stay cute, everyone.

(don't worry; if you read my blog, you're probably cute.)

<3

two thousand fourteen.

oh my gosh. i feel like i haven't made a blog post since last year.
okayokayokay.
i know.
i know. 
a last year joke? for real kailey?
yes. for hundred percent freaking real, yo.
(they're actually really funny when i say them.)   

my new years eve consisted of

• reading
• the fault in our stars
• if you haven't read it? do.
• pizza, of the homemade variety.
• brie (cheese. mmm.)
• my couch
• a tv
• a blanket
• my family

i'm quite the party animal, in case you hadn't figured that out already.

anyway.
everyone keeps talking about their new years resolutions.
shutttt uppp.

i think sometimes we get so caught up in romanticizing the future and glorifying what's ahead of us, that we actually ruin all the fun.
i mean, sure. it's great to set goals and such. it's great to give yourself something to aim for..
but...
why do we feel the need to wait for the beginning of a new year to change?
if you want to change something about your life, what are you waiting for?   
just do it.
and: do it without shouting it from the rooftops.
are you resolutioning (i know it's not a word, mom. using it anyway!) for yourself, or just so you can tell everyone that you are a goal setting self improving hero that small children everywhere should strive to become!?
stop publicizing and commercializing the fact that: it's a new year, and you're embracing it.
yes.
it's a new year.
365 days, just like the last one.
24 hours in each of those days.
12 months.
two thousand fourteen.
hooray.

(not to rain on your parade or anything but most new years resolutions fail anyway!)
-i'm just saying: if you are unhappy with the way your life is going, its actually okay to work on changing it immediately, instead of getting caught up in the false hope that the new year will magically give you the resolve and self control to do so.-
okay?

truth be told, i'm actually a little disappointed with two thousand fourteen so far.
i woke up to a throbbing, achy throat.
(my achy breaky throat?)
i just want tons of scalding hot soup and ice cold smoothies, is that too much to ask?

also:
isn't it just attractive when people have an extensive vocabulary?
(indeed,  it is.)

and:
why is it so much easier to go to bed early when i'm home?

on the bright side:
i got tons of carmex for my birthday.
(which was great, thanks for asking.)

i promise i'll write again soon...before next year, this time.
hahahaha<<< see?
(told you it's funny.) 

<3