i'm thankful for...

hello cute readers.
happy thanksgiving!!

isn't thanksgiving wonderful? i mean think about it.

• no school
• food

it that's not the definition of wonderful, i dont know what is.

anyway. in the spirit of being thankful, here's a little list of the things i am grateful (please take note of how that is spelled; not greatful or great full. thank you.) for:

• my mom and my dad. and my brothers (mostly when they're not fighting) (my brothers, that is.)
• christmas decorations, because aren't they just cute?
• food.
• one direction. david archuleta. mayday parade. bastille. fun. secondhand serenade. concerts. pandora. music. 
• soap. shampoo. hot water. naked, i know the drill. (50 points if you caught the reference!) but really. i'm thankful for cleanliness and hygiene and nail clippers, and laundry machines and dishwashers. (i really wish i had one.)
• i''m thankful that my mom pays for my housing.
• good health.
• i have 2 jobs.
• i have a car. 
• inside jokes.
• i'm thankful that i got to go to europe with my parents this summer. without a doubt the best 2 weeks of my life. 
• even though i'm the worlds most indecisive person ever! i was able to quickly decide on a major.
• paul. beignets. who'd have guessed that i actually adore hot chocolate!?
• minnetonka moccasins. seriously. those shoes are life changers.
• i'm thankful that even after 4 years of absolutely no effort, tons of last minute b.s'ed homework assignments, and an almost innumerable amount of skipped classes, i, by some miracle got into byu.
• my roommates aren't even weenies. i like them. a lot!
• i'm thankful for foreign languages. because they're freaking cool.
• books, bookstores, the magic that they bring and the escape they provide. 
• tender mercies.
• i'm even grateful that i worked at zupas for a year, (yes, grateful!) because i probably wouldn't have friends if i hadn't. also, it made me appreciate my current job(s)
• let's not forget: english major mothers who edit grammatically questionable 8 page essays that you (tried to) write at 2 am.
• fuzzy socks. sweat pants. my dads sweatshirts that i steal he lets me wear.
• blogs! word.
• pinterest, netflix, facebook, youtube
• a brain that is capable of seeing reason (usually)
• my anxiety. (it keeps me safe. and probably bored...dang it.)
• girls nights with momma bouch.
• the mispronunciations of boucher. (byoushay. boniher. bruncher. booshnard. butcher. botcher. bowshay. booger.) keeps life interesting.
• the gospel. www.lds.org
• pepper spray <3
• decision making apps. seriously! brilliant!
• my twisted sense of humor. even if most people don't quite understand it....i swear: i'm hilarious!
• my mom and i are the exact same size: instantly doubled wardrobe.
• late night ice cream runs with my daddy <3
• soup.
• shout out to hannah! <3
• shout out to megan! <3
• don't be offended if you didn't get a shout out; if you're reading this, i'm probably thankful for you, too.
• selfie dates. (not to be confused with selfie pictures. especially those of the bathroom genre.)
• my birthday also known as: the best day of the whole entire year! 
• presents. both given (nothing better than knowing exactly what someone wants, and seeing their face when you give it to them!) and received (i'll be honest: i'm big a fan of the received ones. they don't even have to be big! 88 cent carmex, for example. i just love to be thought of.)
•  again. i have the best family. ever.

(i'm thankful for these things every day, not just on thanksgiving, to be clear.)

happy thanksgiving, cutie pies.
(speaking of pies: please eat a nice, big piece, or 4 today!)(i'd also recommend a mashed potato sandwich. it's less weird than it sounds.) (or maybe not, but it is delicioussss.)
and hey: write a blog post. or leave a comment. or make a facebook post. what are you thankful for?
have a good one, guys.
stay cute!

p.s- if you're one of those punks who still hasn't started up with the christmas music? man up and do it already.

je veux aller à paris...

okay.
maybe the title of this post seems a little...irrelevant.
but let's be honest: paris is always relevant.
for real.
i dare you to:
go to paris,
go to paul. (ma pâtisserie préférée)
drink some hot chocolate.
eat. a freaking. beignet. (or! better yet: bring it back, and i'll eat that sucker for you.)(please)(but like, really. i'll sell my soul. you can adopt me, i'll clean your toilets. anything for a beignet.) (they're that good.)
then come back, and tell me you're not addicted.
i dare you.  
(good luck, i'm convinced it's impossible.)

speaking of paul's hot chocolate... 
my sweet daddy is in the kitchen right now, attempting to recreate that life-changingly delicious liquid chocolate heaven.

in other news:

• christmas decorating has commenced in the boucher household. oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree. noel. navidad.  it's the most wonderful time of the year, you know.
• 3 days until thanksgiving break! pass the potatoes.
• it's a solid 3 degrees outside. (fine, maybe 3 is a bit of a hyperbole, but still.)
• i got an instagram. and made one for my mom. we like to pretend we understand social media. (je ne le comprends pas.)
• i met someone at work last night. she is not lds. when she found out that i am lds, she immediately tried to bond with me over the insane difficulty of not doing certain immoral activities (wink, wink) before marriage. she was convinced that this was drawing us close together, forming a strong bond of friendship. little did she know: i think you have to like, date, before lust becomes a real issue. in other words: not much of an issue for kailey. whatevs. i just let her talk. she seemed pretty passionate about it. (despite my cynical tone, she was actually really nice. i liked her- as much as an anti-social kailey can like a person, that is.) 
• my brother is wearing a green and blue plaid fedora, skinny jeans, a grey h&m button down, and a black scarf... he told us today: "i don't care about fashion. i just want to wear whatever the crap i want because i like it. kam style!"
• i admire that. confidence is an attractive trait.
• dont get me wrong; i'm grateful he's moved on from his mismatched plaid phase.  (picture: plaid hat, plaid shirt, plaid shoes... and yes. all of those plaids=different)

• i have an 8 page essay due in 3 days.
• i have a solid 4 pages so far.
• i hate peer reviews. like: wait, was that supposed to be helpful!?
• why did my peers tell me exactly the opposite of what my teacher told me? 
• thank goodness for a blog that greatly aids my (already top-notch) procrastination skills.  

once upon a time i got a second job at a crepe place. 
i worked there one friday night.
their "rush" was laughable compared to zupas. seriously. hahaha.
also, their organization, training skills or lack thereof, and cleanliness could probably totes, one hundred percent definitely have been improved. 
butwhoevencaresbecause: i made 17$ in tips. in one night.

oh, p.s: that hot chocolate my dad was making?

success. 

hot chocolate competition, anyone?

oh. and don't even worry; yes i'm still lactose intolerant.

(whatevs. ignoring that small detail.  too bad my tummy doesn't want to ignore it too...)

aaaanyway.

seeing as i got about 4 hours of sleep last night (not a hyperbole this time!) i'm thinking it might be naptime maintenant.

stay strong until the break guys. the end is in sight, light at the end of the tunnel and all that jazz.

may i suggest: skip a class, take a nap, read a blog, eat a cookie or something. (purely in the interest of your sanity)

you're all super cute.
and i believe in you.

<3

redefining pessimism.

it's no small secret; i'm constantly vocalizing the negative points of every situation.
for real though.
in high school, they used to call me rain cloud.
(head's up if you're the jerk that started that.  just because someone is good at faking happiness doesn't mean they are happy...you of all people should know that; isn't your life basically a facade?)
anyway. it's all good. no hard feelings.
i earned the "rain cloud" nickname because i don't care much for hiding annoyance or overdoing optimism.
however; if people would have taken the time to get to know me, they would probably have learned that i also believe that:

when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

as i was driving around town today, i decided: sometimes the worst things in life, are the best things.

let me explain through some examples from my life.

when we went to europe, delta lost our luggage. ("a blue bag? i'm sorry, we have no record of a blue bag.")

the bad: 

• we wore the same clothes for days. 
• quality complimentary delta shirts as an apology. seriously? (oh yes. they were pretty freaking serious.)
•   whatifwenevergetourstuffback!?

the good: 

• we got to buy ourselves clothes. in europe. that would later be refunded. (did you know there is a ridiculous amount of h&ms in europe?)
• we eventually were all reunited with our luggage. 
• and it made for one heck of a story(s)

i've had minimal friends most of my life. (and that's counting the fake ones!)
the bad: 

• i've experienced some intense loneliness
• i've often wondered what's wrong with me? (to which the answer is a resounding  nothing. you do not need to change who you are for anyone. ever.) 

the good: 

• i'm a pretty great friend. (at least, i think so!)
• i've been able to help countless people realize that it's okay to feel and be different.
• i'm an incredible judge of character. seriously, fakeness and insincerity are almost tangible to me! (i'm still not as good as my parents, but i'm getting there!)
• my parents are my best friends. seriously though. enough of the "teenage girls always fight with their mothers" crap! i'm living proof that that is a fallacy. 

boys hate me. (in other words, i don't get asked on many dates.) 
the bad:

• even more internal what's wrong with me? questioning.

the good: 

• i get to date myself! i cannot stress enough the facts that 

1. i am the best date ever. i get to do whatever the crap i want, and however i want to do it! no awkward silences. no small talk. it's so lovely.
2. dating oneself gives a major confidence boost. 

• i'm one of the few girls who can accept the fact that: i do not need a boy to complete me.
• i'm an unbiased relationship counselor!
• through both lack of friends and dating, ive realized: i'd rather i go through the crappiness of life alone if it means i can make sure other people never have to feel that brand of loneliness. (alone as in peers. my parents on the other hand, have been there every step of the way.) (seriously, don't feel lonely if this is something you struggle with. i'm right here.)

i had to spend 200$ on brakes because my car is an idiot.
the bad:

• um? 200$. enough said.

the good:   

• this gave me extreme money anxiety, so i found another (as in second) job!

• at a crepe place.
• crepes basically make life worth living.

• now i can buy stuff (i.e food) without feeling guilty for spending money.
• most people have a hard time finding a job. (as in one.) me? oh, you know. just juggling two.

don't get me wrong: i focused on the bad during these situations. (pessimist, remember?).
however...
please note: all of "the good" sections are longer than "the bad"
i'm convinced. sometimes the most awful times of our lives are actually doors for the best times/stories/attributes we will ever have. 
those adversities are sneaky buggers!

in other news!
this week i wrote a 4 page draft. in an hour. basically no effort was put into that draft, because i knowingly put it off til the last minute!
i emailed this draft to my teacher for teacher review conferences.
she told me: "your draft had a very unique voice. it was so refreshing! you have a natural ability to communicate."

success!

what i've gained from this is: some of my best work comes from procrastination, and maybe i should do it more often.

(but you didn't learn that from me, kids!) 

also- i got a really not fun cold this week.

my sweet dad brought me a smoothie, multiple cans of soup, cough drops, mucinex, advil and drove all the way to provo to give me a blessing.

once again, world's best father award, goes to my daddy.

annnnddd: itsalmostthanksgiving!

the heavens opened, and the angels rejoiced!

just a few short days and then the freedom of thanksgiving break will be upon us!

so hang in there, guys.

love you all.

à bientôt, mes amis!

the problem.

life sucks.

sorry; i don't claim to be an optimist.
(i claim to be a pessimist. a happy one.)

but really.
life sucks.
it's hard.
it's lonely...

...you're not: 

• good
• strong
• thin
• funny
• outgoing
• happy
• rich
• attractive
• opinionated
• passionate
• brave
• sporty
• motivated
• intelligent
• social 
• and on and on and on and on.

enough.
right?
that's the problem.

wrong. 
so incredibly wrong.

why does the world get to decide what is adequate and even desirable?
imagine we were all the same. same likes, dislikes, clothes, hair, talents etc...
how dull would that be!?

life sucks, that is a valid evaluation. there's always going to be someone telling you that you are inadequate, or that you should change... if even just a little.  you're never going to please everyone. 

that is okay.

so. i'm a firm believer that: every problem has a solution, some just take a little longer to find.

what, then, is the solution to this particular problem?

i one hundred percent believe that people need to learn to love themselves before they can truly allow other people love them.

high school was rough (rough is an understatement!) for me.  

i was surrounded by robots droning through life, pretending to be happy, emanating fake rays of perfection, and man, were they ever convincing!
i didn't realize it at the time, but in a very round about way, i was being bullied by the very kids who tried to look like anti bullying, be nice to every one, never make a mistake activists.
barf.

look. i'm not going to tell you that i've found the key to contentness. i have not.

however.

please get to know yourself.

i promise that you are a person worth getting to know. now, of course not everyone is going to agree with that. but if you can be happy with yourself, everyone's opinions start to matter a whole lot less. because why would you let other people stop you from strengthening yourself? that's exactly what they want!

misery loves company.

don't you dare give them that satisfaction.

• take yourself on a date.
• schedule regular 'you time'.
• make a bucket list.
• write a poem.
• start a blog.
• take a random class that interests you, just for fun.
• let go of the things that are only bringing you down.
• learn to recognize sincerity and realness.
• bake something delicious. 
• read a book! i'm all about vicarious living!
• spend hours searching for a song that describes you perfectly.
• take genuine interest in other people's quirks.
• skip school.
• do something spontaneous!
• buy a shirt/pants/apairofshoes/jewelry that makes you feel like a rock star. sometimes the splurge is worth it.
• do something nice for someone, expect nothing in return.

guys! you dont need someone to come and save you.
save yourself!
stop waiting around for people to make you happy, because they probably won't.
you're not perfect, and no one else is either. 
forget the popular opinions of what is socially acceptable, or cool.
no one can decide what is good or beautiful but you.
it's a personal opinion... so form one.
i dare you.
people might hate you for it....their loss.

you do not need other people's approval in order to be validated.

i love each of you.
that is all. 
enjoy your day :) 

i've probably lost it.

so.
i'm pretty sure i've lost it.

why? well.
 
i recently went to a lovely little crepe cafe with my roommates. (so delicious)
i saw they were hiring.

red flag number 1: "hey, i should apply, just for fun."

so i emailed them.

and they emailed me back and offered me an interview the next day.

red flag number 2: "i should totally do this. this is a good idea. accept that interview invitation!"

red flag number 3: "i know i already have a job, but how fun would it be to work there, too?!"

fun, guys.

fun.

what the freaking heck allowed my mind to place 2 jobs, 13 credits and fun in the same thought?

i honestly have no explanations. 

anyway.

5 minutes into my interview:

"we'd love to have you as a part of our team here. can you come in for orientation tomorrow?"

wait.

what?

• what i thought: saynokailey,lastchancetobackout,saynosaynosaynosayno....

• what i said: definitely!

so...now i have 2 jobs.

hey. at least this'll be good for the old "kailey wants to go to paris" fund. right?

on the down side- this whole situation has given me severe anxiety attacks (okayokayokay, lets be honest: what doesnt?) and i basically feel like i might throw up at any given moment. for real.

 

other proof that i'm probably losing it:

(the following is a piece of the recurrent string of thoughts that's been constantly plaguing me.)

i hate people.

i love people.

i wish people would ask me to hang out.

eww. seriously? why'd i agree to go out?!

how come no one ever asks me on dates?

dates are awkward. why cant i just sit in my dorm and read all day?

food.

i'm exhausted.

insomniaaaaaaa.

food again.

someone pleassseee talk to me!

uggghh. quit talking to me. i dont want to talk.

i should switch things up. variety. keep things interesting.

heck no, i will not break my routine!

and now you understand how it feels to be inside kailey's head. 

(i know. i'm confused too.)

my life is like one big ball of irony.

(please do the world a favor and learn what the word ironic actually means.) 

(i promise, i'm using it correctly...but you probably aren't.)

 whatevs.

i like to think that these nonsensical, irrational thoughts add to my nonexistant? charm.

okay. i sincerely apologize for wasting your time with this jumble of ill-conceived words.

if anything, hopefully someone who reads this receives the comfort of knowing that: they're not alone in their satirical musings. 

• or maybe i'm just a new, completely unique kind of twisted.

• its all good though.....remember? adds to my charm.

on a happier note:

christmas music is finally on the radio! <3

i found some jeans for 7$!

i made some hot chocolate from the packets my family bought in italy!

in parting: please don't be fooled by my cynical tone.

life is decent.

love you all <3

 

thor-a claus.

christmas has come to apartment 123.
and christmas brought thor-a claus.
that's right: our life size thor cut out is now sporting a beard and a santa hat.

and he's moved to our front window.

guys. (said with an extra dose of exasperation.)

1. people have reacted quite well,  leaving us notes and recomposed christmas songs in regards to the 'creep santa' in our window. 
2. i still dont like the fact that we have a seven foot tall cardboard man in our dorm...but...
3. now that he's propped against the window, our living room feels huge! (you know, the way it should have been all semester.)
4. i'll admit: hes much more tolerable when i don't have to see him standing in the middle of the freaking hall when i use the bathroom in the middle of the night.

we also bought stockings and hung them from the ceiling. << that was my idea.
it's pretty cool.
oh! 
and we ordered a 3$ christmas tree on amazon.
(also my idea.)

shout out to the random freak singing in the stairwell as i'm writing this.

dude.

shut up. 

also, we (my roommates and i) decorated our living room wall.

it's labeled: forever alone because...

it sounds self incriminating and derogatory...but it's really just so hilarious.

and scarily accurate.

reasons include:

"cooties"

"i'm scared of boys"

"'fun' gives me anxiety"
"incapable of flirting"
"antisocial"
"i'd rather be on netflix"
"fictional characters have given me unrealistic expectations of men"
the whole wall is full of these awesome little post it note reasons.
i know, i know. only people with a twisted sense of humor (such as myself) would find this more funny than it is pathetic.

anyway.
while you're here, you might notice holy sexy blog. tabs and a music player have been added.

correct.

(music player is at the top of the blog- it doesn't play automatically though; that would've been obnoxious. but i feel like i picked some pretty good songs so...go for it.)

some random kailey advice/good to know tidbits.

• buy some pepper spray.
• the dollar store sells some quality christmas decorations.
• if you ever wanted to win my love? just buy me ice cream. 
• or do my dishes 

• i've said it before, i'll say it again:  always keep back up chapsticks nearby.
• sometimes the elders quorum will stop by to check up on you and your roommates. it's just going to be awkward. there's no avoiding it.
• just start listening to christmas music already! seriously. resistance=weakness.
• if you are reading this and are currently in high school: ditch class. all the time. as much as you possibly can without dropping your grades. just do it. trust me.
• maybe get your friends to call in and pretend to be your mother.
• not that i've ever participated in such silliness..
• who am i kidding?! that was one of my shining moments. 

love you all.
p.s- i think it's been scientifically proven or something that if you follow my blog your attractivness increases 413%
or something like that.  

stop it.

my halloween was lovely,  thanks for asking...
no, those were not real piercings...
but seriously guys, even if they were real?  who cares?!

look. it's basically my self-proclaimed mission in life to help people:

1. realize: it's okay to have a bad day once in a while. seriously. 
2. stop judging people because of the way they look, or the stereotype they associate with.

to help illustrate my point... 

 

 

if you were to see one of these two girls out and about, let's take a guess at what the general, at first glance assumptions would be.

girl on the left: probably a high school drop out. never listens to her parents. no doubt a bad influence.  this girl has definitely done drugs. she is on the fast path to failure.

girl on the right: what a wholesome girl! honor roll student! it's safe to say she goes to church every week. she probably does volunteer work with underprivileged children!

am i right?

oh. wait! it's the same girl.

guess what?

i am a pessimist. i'm not always happy. i complain, a lot. i make bad decisions, make mistakes. i swear in different languages! i'm ridiculously far from being perfect.

but!

i go to church every week. i have a testimony, and i havent missed a single day of scripture reading in 5 years. i have a solid job. i'm in college- byu of all places!

i consider myself to be a good person.

i have gay friends. they date people of the same gender. they make bad decisions, make mistakes.  

but! 

they are some of the nicest people i know. they're funny. they are normal people. they are supportive, they are better friends than most of my non-gay, lds friends!  

they are good people.

i have friends who swear.  i have friends who are atheists. i have friends who struggle with depression. i have friends who don't get along with their families. i have friends who make mistakes. i have friends who have tattoos. i have friends who have crazy  piercings. i have friends who drink. i have friends who smoke. i have friends who've done drugs. they make bad decisions. 

they are good people.

you guys.

we are all trying our best. 

everyone is going through tough things- even if we can't always see them. 

even if they look like they have it all together.

no one is perfect.

we all make mistakes. every single one of us. 

your mistakes are no better than anyone elses mistakes! 

try a little harder, be a little nicer.

actually get to know a person before you decide if they are good or not.

when you judge people, you're only hurting yourself- losing potentially incredible friends.

who cares if people make bad choices? you've probably made a few of your own. 

people are allowed to mess up.

that's the only way we learn how to not mess up.

thank you for listening to my rant. 

i love you all!

stay adorable!