christmas.

(with the exception of my birthday, of course) christmas is probably definitely the best day of the year.

here's the deal.
i will shamelessly admit:
i probably love presents more than anything. ever.

hi, my name is kailey, and i'm a present-aholic.

the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?

...who am i kidding? i don't want to recover.

anyway.

i have some christmas confessions to get off my chest.
here goes nothing-

confession # 1:
i still can't fall asleep for the life of me on christmas eve.
[pre-present adrenaline.] [duh]

confession # 2:
i really want to believe in santa.
like, so bad.
seriously. hear me out:

one time, i went to the mall with my daddy.

we saw a mall santa there. 

he had a real beard and everything.

and my dad said to him: "if you're really santa, what's my middle name?" 

and mall santa said: "that's easy! it's claude!"

you guys. my dad's middle name is claude.

i can logically accept that: santa is impossible. creepy, even. (seriously, a grown man sneaking into peoples houses and watching you always?)

but guys. i can't just ignore mall santas unexplainable knowledge. 

either:

1- creepy santa look alike is stalking my dad,

or

2- santa is real.

just. saying.

confession # 3:
i still sneak upstairs multiple times on christmas eve to check out my presents.
honestly: there's nothing better than seeing a bunch of presents under a lit up christmas tree at unspeakable times of the night....morning.

confession #4:
i'm probably the reason my family opens presents so early. (6 am isn't that early, right?)

confession # 5:
i strongly believe that christmas should happen much more frequently.

confession # 6:
i like presents better when they come with big, red bows. 
fo' real, yo.
it could be the tiniest, lamest gift in the history of ever, but if it has a big red bow on it?
you've basically just proven yourself as a life long friend. a real keeper. a solid, respectable human being, in kaileys mind. 

confession # 7:
my mom and i are so freakishly alike, we unknowingly bought each other the same christmas eve pajamas. 
i was so proud of us. 
word to my mother.  

today was indubitably my best christmas yet.
here's a picture to sum it up: 

[i got some so. many. presents, ate some so. much. food. my brother got moccasins (and i couldn't be more proud!), i read almost a whole book (still a work in progress), took a nap, ate some christmas cookies (that i'd decorated with one direction names of course.), watched some tv con mi familia...]

i. love. christmas.

and i really hope you love christmas too.

hopefully someone spoiled you.

i was certainly spoiled.  

merry christmas to all, and to all a good night. 

...and may all your christmases be white.

'tis the season.

'tis the season; finals are finished.
hallelujah, praise the heavens, the angels rejoiced and so on, and so forth. seriously: i did wanted to do a celebratory happy dance when i finished my last final.
my grades even turned out pretty respectably. (although i guess 'respectable' is fairly relative.) whatevs. no regrets.

'tis the season; quit your job?
the barely over minimum wage job, that is. not the flexible hours, actually do something you're good at job.
wait, kailey. didn't you just get that job like, 2 months ago?
yes. but- guess what? i didn't actually need that job, it was mostly for fun,  and i really didn't want to work over christmas break.
also: the food industry is and always will be the most suck, awful thing on the planet. 
so bam!
i quit.

if you don't like your fate, change it. you are your own master, there are no shackles on you. 

^^^ 25 points if you caught the reference.

'tis the season; i'll be home for christmas.

correction: i'm already home for christmas. 

i've been wrapping presents and baking christmas cookies and jamming to christmas music with my momma. (our own versions)

 

'tis the season; "where much is given..."
my family went down to salt lake today. we brought with us:

• 75$ worth of (5 dollars each) gift cards. 
• 4 jackets
• 4 pairs of shoes

maybe it wasn't much.
but hey: the homeless people we gave them to didn't care.
and how blessed is my family to be able to 

1. celebrate christmas with presents, a christmas feast, a warm house...
2. give out a couple coats and boots to keep some less fortunate people warm.
3. give a few gift cards. 5 bucks  is a big deal when you have nothing.

you should have seen the look on one womans face when we gave her those boots.
they fit perfectly.
she almost cried and so did we.
goodness,  how many pairs of boots do i have!?
to give one pair away, and make someones whole day?
so worth it.

so.

'tis the season; and keeping in mind the spirit of the season (the spirit of christ)

i dare you to...

do something.

it doesn't have to be big.

just; think about it.

what can you do?

5 dollars?

a shoulder to cry on?

volunteer a bit of time?

smile at someone?

give someone a call?

write a quick letter?

pray for someone?

 

i promise it wont only help the receiving party,

but you will surely benefit as well.

in other news:

maria sabias que by david archuleta is basically life changingly beautiful.

christmaschristmaschristmasmybirthdaynewyearseveohmygoshpresenttttsssss

i dont know why people complain about present wrapping. i quite enjoy it.

oh my gosh. also.

***sorry dad, i have to tell this story***

my sweet daddy was going to the bathroom the other day, when in walked a special needs student. this student proceeded to peer through the crack in the stall that my dad happened to be in.

obviously he was excited to see brother boucher!

said student decided a christmas song serenade would be the best way to express his excitement.

my daddy got a 'christmas song peering through the bathroom stall as he did his business' serenade.

love. it.

this kid obviously gets what christmas is about.

the best way to spread christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.

in the bathroom.

whilst peeking into an occupied stall.

what a stinking cutie pie. <3

(although i could see how it would have made my dad feel a bit awkward.)

what. ever.

so worth the story.

gem-moments like that keep life interesting... i'm just glad i wasn't the one receiving the bathroom stall stare-down.

anyyywayyy.

happy holidays, everyone!

and may all your christmases be white.

<3  

 

want to know a secret?

want to know a secret?
i've recently discovered this great new method that basically guarantees successful test taking.
not even joking.
they call it...

studying.

whaaaat?

no, for real!

last night i decided, hey, maybe i should like...prepare for my book of mormon final.

(not that i didnt want another 64 percent...but...)

so i:

looked up david archuleta youtube videos (david+christmas music+spanish=yes.)

watched some netflix

pinteressssttttt

oh look, one direction music videos

hellooooo bookshelf.

studied.

i hopped onto learning suite,

  checked my inbox for the review sheet

      oh hey! someone made a class google doc and shared a bunch of notes!

i'm not going to lie; the whole process was severely unpleasant. arduous, if you will.

but.

then.

i took my test.

81 percent, amigos.

hallelujah, praise the heavens, joy to the world and all that jazz!

a small tear of immense relief escaped my eye, 

and the feelings of pride ensued.

random life advice from kailey:

• do not drink a strawberry lemonade at cafe rio and a whole water bottle, if you will not be near a bathroom for the next 2 hours.
• just don't.
• (you will regret it.)

in other news:

i was thinking about a movie that is.. for lack of better wording, dear to my heart (in a twisted sort of way.)
it's called mist.
i'm pretty sure this is what went down:

a lowly farmer decided: hey, that 20 year old camcorder in my closet? i should make a movie with it.
so he filmed his animals, and had his family provide questionable  voice overs. 
***if you're in to self-inflicted misery, i'd totally suggest it.

anyway.
since mist was on the mind, 
my mother and i decided: let's make our own talking animal movie! (mostly as a joke. mostly.)
oh. baby.
the brilliance that came of that idea..
extraodinary actors. glorious sound effects. majestic visual effects. stellar voice overs.
thatsjustwhathappenswhenmymotherandigetbored.
#coolmom

random thoughts of the week:

• people who read make the world a better place. seriously. i respect people who read so much more than those who don't. no offense if you don't, but...fo' real. check out your local barnes and noble.
• please.
• its almost christmas holiday break my birthday.
• presents.
• 2. more. finals. breatheinbreatheoutbreatheinbreatheout.
• ^^^but really? finals week hasn't been as bad as people make it out to be.  

now.

everyone pray for kailey, and her finals and if any of my readers happen to be weather men: please forecast good stuff. warm stuff. not snowy, icy road stuff.  i'd so appreciate it.

  

ending blog posts is not a talent of mine (but! touching my tongue to my nose is!)

soooo.. goodbye until next time, cutie pies.

<3

little things.

why

does society aim to make us feel 

1. ashamed
2. mediocre
3. like a disappointment

when we fail to meet ridiculous unattainable standards?
i caught myself putting myself down this week because: i might not get all a's. 
all. freaking. a's.
guys.
i have two jobs, it's my first semester ever of college, i'm trying to figure out life.
who isn't?

i'm not necessarily saying i'll be proud if i get a b or a c...
but freaking i will own that grade.
because guess what.
it's okay to mess up. to not perform perfectly every time.
it's okay to have too much on your plate.
it's okay if someone is better  than you.
it's okay.

it's okay. it's okay. it. is. okay. 

don't ever feel ashamed of your best; even if someone else's best is better.
i understand better than anyone else that: not being perfect can cause severe anxiety...but, trust me. 
i'm right on this one.

anyway!

moving on to my next stray thought.

little things.
not that i'm looking for any little reason to reference one direction...
(that would be silly)
but.
i do love their lyric:

it's you they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

how lovely is that?

don't the little things in life, make like great? i feel like they just add a necessary sparkle that keeps life interesting.

for example:

• the mexicano(s) selling tamales in the walmart parking lot.
• spending an extra couple of dollars on a random extra christmas gift for someone.
• craving a cake and then making one.
• the smell of books. <3
• chocolate. brownies. pudding.
• impromptu lunch dates with momma.
• song/tv/book/movie quotes and references.
• shoes. moccasins. boots.
• when someone wearing great cologne walks past you.
• quirks.
• unexpected compliments.
• free samples at costco.
• the adorable baby staring at you while you shop.
• random, synchronized sarcasm.
• meaningful discussions.
• that are not about the weather.
• par exemple: talking about favorite books, tv show plots.
• effortless social comfort is hard to come by when you're a kailey.

• picking up on under the breath comments that people didn't expect you to hear.
• writing blog posts, of course. 
• great minds think alike.
• sleeping with 5 blankets because it's cold, and you can.
• when your dog shoves his head in front of your book while you are trying to read, simply because: he loves you.
• unnecessary smiles. received and given.
• the lights on christmas trees.
• handwritten letters.
• discovering beauty in what others would deem imperfect. 

i could go on, and on and on.
i dare you:

look for the little things.

make a list.

or perhaps;

be. the. little. things.

guys. 11 days until christmassssss.

joy to the world.

hallelujah!

presents!

stay warm, my dears. 

<3

     

baby, it's cold outside.

calice, il fait trop froid!
it's freaking cold.

the weather outside is frightful...
but netflix is so delightful...

what?
yes. i watched a good 10 tv episodes on netflix today.
i also ate a brownie, which was half price at the creamery! 40 cents, baby.
i guess today wasn't entirely unproductive though; i cleaned all of my dirty dishes! (that just goes to show how freaking bored i was.)
and.
i did some nice one direction fangirling with my roommates.
(whyisharrystylessobeautiful?)

speaking of one direction:
my daddy agreed to take me to california next year to see one direction in concert and we already bought tickets and everything!
best dad ever.
that's what makes him beautiful.
i just said "c'mon, c'mon, dad! pleassseeee"
and he happily agreed.  
nothing could change my mind;
little things and moments like that make my dad better than words. 
i could not ask for more than this.
i can't wait to stay up all night at that concert and make some midnight memories.

i hope some of you readers are well acquainted with one direction songs, because those references were stellar.

speaking of song references: my mom and i like to play this game.
it's the "text each other using song lyrics and titles"
it's such a fantastic game. (this, coming from someone who usually loathes games!)
seriously. i legitimately stare anxiously at my phone screen for minutes at a time, waiting for her replies when we play this game.
please enjoy this sample:

 

my mom is cooler than your mom. not open for discussion.

also.

i've recently found my idea of heaven on earth.
it's this glorious little imported chocolate shop.
i went twice today.
they have almost all of my favorites.

american chocolate sucks.

weirdest moments of the week:

• someone told me"you are so interesting"
• while that may be true, i did absolutely nothing to bring on that comment, it basically came out of nowhere.

• i did dishes...because i wanted to....
• i refused to forgot to go grocery shopping, and therefore had to eat half a cookie for breakfast..sorry mom.
• i...went on a...date.
• don't be excited. it was a forced date. not a real one - we chose random ties at church in relief society...we had to go on a date with the owner of the tie we picked - it was a lot little awkward.
• apparently i'm incapable of small talk.
• poor guy. i'm pretty sure he hated me...

• someone tried to tell me that "liking justin beiber is so much more acceptable than liking one direction. seriously. what's so great about 5 british guys?"
• 1- they're british
• 2- they're beautiful
• 3- justin beiber will never be anywhere close to the perfection that is one direction.
• she also told me she went to paris and hated it.
• uncultured swine.

anyway.
it's past my bed time.
yes. college student kailey gives herself a bedtime.
she also still checks with her parents before she makes plans.
living life on the edge, as they say.

stay warm amigos.
and don't forget:
18 days til christmas
and!
22 days til my birthday.
<3  

freaking be merry.

i was recently assigned a group project yuck for my writing class.
my teacher put everyone into groups.
she also told us to "have fun with it!"
sweetie. i'm quite certain that: no one in the history of ever has had fun working on a group project barf.

maybe you've assumed that the project disgusting (rather than the group)  will be this posts primary complaint?

wrong.

(keep reading.)

i'm in college, projects gross are inevitable. fine. i get it. 

anyway.

for this project, still gross we had to come up with a problem that was relevant to byu students in some way. it also had to be timely.

"whats more timely than christmas!?" we thought.

i liked the way this was going.

kailey is a big christmas fan.

maybe for once i've been assigned a not so awful group?

oh, naive little kailey.

suddenly. 

"our problem should be that people listen to christmas music before december." said zach, from kaileys group.

oh, zach.

you just crossed a line, buddy.   

i gave him the most seething, poisonous, hate filled glare i could muster (which is a lot of hate. it's a look i've practically perfected.) and proceeded to explain to him that he is so wrong.

look, punks.

the minute halloween is over, christmas season begins.

it just does. 

from that point on christmas music is a more than valid option.

(once december hits, it's no longer optional, it's freaking necessary.)

i passionately raged  calmly explained to zach that:

you are wrong and i am right.

there is nothing better than christmas and christmas music should be enjoyed for as long as possible.

thats why my roommates and i started listening to christmas music, and putting up chrismas decorations a month ago.

the little weenies in my group still refused to join the celestial side of christmas cheer.

scroodges. 

freaking. be. merry. already.

and so now i'm stuck in a group that basically hates all things good and wonderful.

(i'm usually not a huge supporter of happiness, i know, but whatcanisay? christmas brings out the worst best in me!)

i also told my group that fun stresses me out. gives me full on panic attacks.

they giggled.

...not a joke, guys.

(that was a little irrelevant, but i felt the need to mention it, because it only strengthened my anger towards them)

anyway.

i'm sufficiently annoyed.

here's the plan:

tomorrow i'm changing my ringtone to a christmas song.

so, please if you have my number: call me tomorrow any time after 6:15.

(that's when we are scheduled to get together and ew socialization! work on this monster of a project. kill me.)

then my christmas ringtone will go off.

hopefully repeatedly.

i will blast that joyous christmas music and feel no regret.

i will let the phone ring for the entirety of the song.

i will savor every moment of that lovely christmas tune. 

and i hope it makes those humbug losers regret messing with me and my christmas spirit.

don't mess, yo.

keep reading my blog, cutie pies.

that's all for now.

and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeee. <3

i'm thankful for...

hello cute readers.
happy thanksgiving!!

isn't thanksgiving wonderful? i mean think about it.

• no school
• food

it that's not the definition of wonderful, i dont know what is.

anyway. in the spirit of being thankful, here's a little list of the things i am grateful (please take note of how that is spelled; not greatful or great full. thank you.) for:

• my mom and my dad. and my brothers (mostly when they're not fighting) (my brothers, that is.)
• christmas decorations, because aren't they just cute?
• food.
• one direction. david archuleta. mayday parade. bastille. fun. secondhand serenade. concerts. pandora. music. 
• soap. shampoo. hot water. naked, i know the drill. (50 points if you caught the reference!) but really. i'm thankful for cleanliness and hygiene and nail clippers, and laundry machines and dishwashers. (i really wish i had one.)
• i''m thankful that my mom pays for my housing.
• good health.
• i have 2 jobs.
• i have a car. 
• inside jokes.
• i'm thankful that i got to go to europe with my parents this summer. without a doubt the best 2 weeks of my life. 
• even though i'm the worlds most indecisive person ever! i was able to quickly decide on a major.
• paul. beignets. who'd have guessed that i actually adore hot chocolate!?
• minnetonka moccasins. seriously. those shoes are life changers.
• i'm thankful that even after 4 years of absolutely no effort, tons of last minute b.s'ed homework assignments, and an almost innumerable amount of skipped classes, i, by some miracle got into byu.
• my roommates aren't even weenies. i like them. a lot!
• i'm thankful for foreign languages. because they're freaking cool.
• books, bookstores, the magic that they bring and the escape they provide. 
• tender mercies.
• i'm even grateful that i worked at zupas for a year, (yes, grateful!) because i probably wouldn't have friends if i hadn't. also, it made me appreciate my current job(s)
• let's not forget: english major mothers who edit grammatically questionable 8 page essays that you (tried to) write at 2 am.
• fuzzy socks. sweat pants. my dads sweatshirts that i steal he lets me wear.
• blogs! word.
• pinterest, netflix, facebook, youtube
• a brain that is capable of seeing reason (usually)
• my anxiety. (it keeps me safe. and probably bored...dang it.)
• girls nights with momma bouch.
• the mispronunciations of boucher. (byoushay. boniher. bruncher. booshnard. butcher. botcher. bowshay. booger.) keeps life interesting.
• the gospel. www.lds.org
• pepper spray <3
• decision making apps. seriously! brilliant!
• my twisted sense of humor. even if most people don't quite understand it....i swear: i'm hilarious!
• my mom and i are the exact same size: instantly doubled wardrobe.
• late night ice cream runs with my daddy <3
• soup.
• shout out to hannah! <3
• shout out to megan! <3
• don't be offended if you didn't get a shout out; if you're reading this, i'm probably thankful for you, too.
• selfie dates. (not to be confused with selfie pictures. especially those of the bathroom genre.)
• my birthday also known as: the best day of the whole entire year! 
• presents. both given (nothing better than knowing exactly what someone wants, and seeing their face when you give it to them!) and received (i'll be honest: i'm big a fan of the received ones. they don't even have to be big! 88 cent carmex, for example. i just love to be thought of.)
•  again. i have the best family. ever.

(i'm thankful for these things every day, not just on thanksgiving, to be clear.)

happy thanksgiving, cutie pies.
(speaking of pies: please eat a nice, big piece, or 4 today!)(i'd also recommend a mashed potato sandwich. it's less weird than it sounds.) (or maybe not, but it is delicioussss.)
and hey: write a blog post. or leave a comment. or make a facebook post. what are you thankful for?
have a good one, guys.
stay cute!

p.s- if you're one of those punks who still hasn't started up with the christmas music? man up and do it already.

je veux aller à paris...

okay.
maybe the title of this post seems a little...irrelevant.
but let's be honest: paris is always relevant.
for real.
i dare you to:
go to paris,
go to paul. (ma pâtisserie préférée)
drink some hot chocolate.
eat. a freaking. beignet. (or! better yet: bring it back, and i'll eat that sucker for you.)(please)(but like, really. i'll sell my soul. you can adopt me, i'll clean your toilets. anything for a beignet.) (they're that good.)
then come back, and tell me you're not addicted.
i dare you.  
(good luck, i'm convinced it's impossible.)

speaking of paul's hot chocolate... 
my sweet daddy is in the kitchen right now, attempting to recreate that life-changingly delicious liquid chocolate heaven.

in other news:

• christmas decorating has commenced in the boucher household. oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree. noel. navidad.  it's the most wonderful time of the year, you know.
• 3 days until thanksgiving break! pass the potatoes.
• it's a solid 3 degrees outside. (fine, maybe 3 is a bit of a hyperbole, but still.)
• i got an instagram. and made one for my mom. we like to pretend we understand social media. (je ne le comprends pas.)
• i met someone at work last night. she is not lds. when she found out that i am lds, she immediately tried to bond with me over the insane difficulty of not doing certain immoral activities (wink, wink) before marriage. she was convinced that this was drawing us close together, forming a strong bond of friendship. little did she know: i think you have to like, date, before lust becomes a real issue. in other words: not much of an issue for kailey. whatevs. i just let her talk. she seemed pretty passionate about it. (despite my cynical tone, she was actually really nice. i liked her- as much as an anti-social kailey can like a person, that is.) 
• my brother is wearing a green and blue plaid fedora, skinny jeans, a grey h&m button down, and a black scarf... he told us today: "i don't care about fashion. i just want to wear whatever the crap i want because i like it. kam style!"
• i admire that. confidence is an attractive trait.
• dont get me wrong; i'm grateful he's moved on from his mismatched plaid phase.  (picture: plaid hat, plaid shirt, plaid shoes... and yes. all of those plaids=different)

• i have an 8 page essay due in 3 days.
• i have a solid 4 pages so far.
• i hate peer reviews. like: wait, was that supposed to be helpful!?
• why did my peers tell me exactly the opposite of what my teacher told me? 
• thank goodness for a blog that greatly aids my (already top-notch) procrastination skills.  

once upon a time i got a second job at a crepe place. 
i worked there one friday night.
their "rush" was laughable compared to zupas. seriously. hahaha.
also, their organization, training skills or lack thereof, and cleanliness could probably totes, one hundred percent definitely have been improved. 
butwhoevencaresbecause: i made 17$ in tips. in one night.

oh, p.s: that hot chocolate my dad was making?

success. 

hot chocolate competition, anyone?

oh. and don't even worry; yes i'm still lactose intolerant.

(whatevs. ignoring that small detail.  too bad my tummy doesn't want to ignore it too...)

aaaanyway.

seeing as i got about 4 hours of sleep last night (not a hyperbole this time!) i'm thinking it might be naptime maintenant.

stay strong until the break guys. the end is in sight, light at the end of the tunnel and all that jazz.

may i suggest: skip a class, take a nap, read a blog, eat a cookie or something. (purely in the interest of your sanity)

you're all super cute.
and i believe in you.

<3

redefining pessimism.

it's no small secret; i'm constantly vocalizing the negative points of every situation.
for real though.
in high school, they used to call me rain cloud.
(head's up if you're the jerk that started that.  just because someone is good at faking happiness doesn't mean they are happy...you of all people should know that; isn't your life basically a facade?)
anyway. it's all good. no hard feelings.
i earned the "rain cloud" nickname because i don't care much for hiding annoyance or overdoing optimism.
however; if people would have taken the time to get to know me, they would probably have learned that i also believe that:

when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

as i was driving around town today, i decided: sometimes the worst things in life, are the best things.

let me explain through some examples from my life.

when we went to europe, delta lost our luggage. ("a blue bag? i'm sorry, we have no record of a blue bag.")

the bad: 

• we wore the same clothes for days. 
• quality complimentary delta shirts as an apology. seriously? (oh yes. they were pretty freaking serious.)
•   whatifwenevergetourstuffback!?

the good: 

• we got to buy ourselves clothes. in europe. that would later be refunded. (did you know there is a ridiculous amount of h&ms in europe?)
• we eventually were all reunited with our luggage. 
• and it made for one heck of a story(s)

i've had minimal friends most of my life. (and that's counting the fake ones!)
the bad: 

• i've experienced some intense loneliness
• i've often wondered what's wrong with me? (to which the answer is a resounding  nothing. you do not need to change who you are for anyone. ever.) 

the good: 

• i'm a pretty great friend. (at least, i think so!)
• i've been able to help countless people realize that it's okay to feel and be different.
• i'm an incredible judge of character. seriously, fakeness and insincerity are almost tangible to me! (i'm still not as good as my parents, but i'm getting there!)
• my parents are my best friends. seriously though. enough of the "teenage girls always fight with their mothers" crap! i'm living proof that that is a fallacy. 

boys hate me. (in other words, i don't get asked on many dates.) 
the bad:

• even more internal what's wrong with me? questioning.

the good: 

• i get to date myself! i cannot stress enough the facts that 

1. i am the best date ever. i get to do whatever the crap i want, and however i want to do it! no awkward silences. no small talk. it's so lovely.
2. dating oneself gives a major confidence boost. 

• i'm one of the few girls who can accept the fact that: i do not need a boy to complete me.
• i'm an unbiased relationship counselor!
• through both lack of friends and dating, ive realized: i'd rather i go through the crappiness of life alone if it means i can make sure other people never have to feel that brand of loneliness. (alone as in peers. my parents on the other hand, have been there every step of the way.) (seriously, don't feel lonely if this is something you struggle with. i'm right here.)

i had to spend 200$ on brakes because my car is an idiot.
the bad:

• um? 200$. enough said.

the good:   

• this gave me extreme money anxiety, so i found another (as in second) job!

• at a crepe place.
• crepes basically make life worth living.

• now i can buy stuff (i.e food) without feeling guilty for spending money.
• most people have a hard time finding a job. (as in one.) me? oh, you know. just juggling two.

don't get me wrong: i focused on the bad during these situations. (pessimist, remember?).
however...
please note: all of "the good" sections are longer than "the bad"
i'm convinced. sometimes the most awful times of our lives are actually doors for the best times/stories/attributes we will ever have. 
those adversities are sneaky buggers!

in other news!
this week i wrote a 4 page draft. in an hour. basically no effort was put into that draft, because i knowingly put it off til the last minute!
i emailed this draft to my teacher for teacher review conferences.
she told me: "your draft had a very unique voice. it was so refreshing! you have a natural ability to communicate."

success!

what i've gained from this is: some of my best work comes from procrastination, and maybe i should do it more often.

(but you didn't learn that from me, kids!) 

also- i got a really not fun cold this week.

my sweet dad brought me a smoothie, multiple cans of soup, cough drops, mucinex, advil and drove all the way to provo to give me a blessing.

once again, world's best father award, goes to my daddy.

annnnddd: itsalmostthanksgiving!

the heavens opened, and the angels rejoiced!

just a few short days and then the freedom of thanksgiving break will be upon us!

so hang in there, guys.

love you all.

à bientôt, mes amis!

the problem.

life sucks.

sorry; i don't claim to be an optimist.
(i claim to be a pessimist. a happy one.)

but really.
life sucks.
it's hard.
it's lonely...

...you're not: 

• good
• strong
• thin
• funny
• outgoing
• happy
• rich
• attractive
• opinionated
• passionate
• brave
• sporty
• motivated
• intelligent
• social 
• and on and on and on and on.

enough.
right?
that's the problem.

wrong. 
so incredibly wrong.

why does the world get to decide what is adequate and even desirable?
imagine we were all the same. same likes, dislikes, clothes, hair, talents etc...
how dull would that be!?

life sucks, that is a valid evaluation. there's always going to be someone telling you that you are inadequate, or that you should change... if even just a little.  you're never going to please everyone. 

that is okay.

so. i'm a firm believer that: every problem has a solution, some just take a little longer to find.

what, then, is the solution to this particular problem?

i one hundred percent believe that people need to learn to love themselves before they can truly allow other people love them.

high school was rough (rough is an understatement!) for me.  

i was surrounded by robots droning through life, pretending to be happy, emanating fake rays of perfection, and man, were they ever convincing!
i didn't realize it at the time, but in a very round about way, i was being bullied by the very kids who tried to look like anti bullying, be nice to every one, never make a mistake activists.
barf.

look. i'm not going to tell you that i've found the key to contentness. i have not.

however.

please get to know yourself.

i promise that you are a person worth getting to know. now, of course not everyone is going to agree with that. but if you can be happy with yourself, everyone's opinions start to matter a whole lot less. because why would you let other people stop you from strengthening yourself? that's exactly what they want!

misery loves company.

don't you dare give them that satisfaction.

• take yourself on a date.
• schedule regular 'you time'.
• make a bucket list.
• write a poem.
• start a blog.
• take a random class that interests you, just for fun.
• let go of the things that are only bringing you down.
• learn to recognize sincerity and realness.
• bake something delicious. 
• read a book! i'm all about vicarious living!
• spend hours searching for a song that describes you perfectly.
• take genuine interest in other people's quirks.
• skip school.
• do something spontaneous!
• buy a shirt/pants/apairofshoes/jewelry that makes you feel like a rock star. sometimes the splurge is worth it.
• do something nice for someone, expect nothing in return.

guys! you dont need someone to come and save you.
save yourself!
stop waiting around for people to make you happy, because they probably won't.
you're not perfect, and no one else is either. 
forget the popular opinions of what is socially acceptable, or cool.
no one can decide what is good or beautiful but you.
it's a personal opinion... so form one.
i dare you.
people might hate you for it....their loss.

you do not need other people's approval in order to be validated.

i love each of you.
that is all. 
enjoy your day :) 

i've probably lost it.

so.
i'm pretty sure i've lost it.

why? well.
 
i recently went to a lovely little crepe cafe with my roommates. (so delicious)
i saw they were hiring.

red flag number 1: "hey, i should apply, just for fun."

so i emailed them.

and they emailed me back and offered me an interview the next day.

red flag number 2: "i should totally do this. this is a good idea. accept that interview invitation!"

red flag number 3: "i know i already have a job, but how fun would it be to work there, too?!"

fun, guys.

fun.

what the freaking heck allowed my mind to place 2 jobs, 13 credits and fun in the same thought?

i honestly have no explanations. 

anyway.

5 minutes into my interview:

"we'd love to have you as a part of our team here. can you come in for orientation tomorrow?"

wait.

what?

• what i thought: saynokailey,lastchancetobackout,saynosaynosaynosayno....

• what i said: definitely!

so...now i have 2 jobs.

hey. at least this'll be good for the old "kailey wants to go to paris" fund. right?

on the down side- this whole situation has given me severe anxiety attacks (okayokayokay, lets be honest: what doesnt?) and i basically feel like i might throw up at any given moment. for real.

 

other proof that i'm probably losing it:

(the following is a piece of the recurrent string of thoughts that's been constantly plaguing me.)

i hate people.

i love people.

i wish people would ask me to hang out.

eww. seriously? why'd i agree to go out?!

how come no one ever asks me on dates?

dates are awkward. why cant i just sit in my dorm and read all day?

food.

i'm exhausted.

insomniaaaaaaa.

food again.

someone pleassseee talk to me!

uggghh. quit talking to me. i dont want to talk.

i should switch things up. variety. keep things interesting.

heck no, i will not break my routine!

and now you understand how it feels to be inside kailey's head. 

(i know. i'm confused too.)

my life is like one big ball of irony.

(please do the world a favor and learn what the word ironic actually means.) 

(i promise, i'm using it correctly...but you probably aren't.)

 whatevs.

i like to think that these nonsensical, irrational thoughts add to my nonexistant? charm.

okay. i sincerely apologize for wasting your time with this jumble of ill-conceived words.

if anything, hopefully someone who reads this receives the comfort of knowing that: they're not alone in their satirical musings. 

• or maybe i'm just a new, completely unique kind of twisted.

• its all good though.....remember? adds to my charm.

on a happier note:

christmas music is finally on the radio! <3

i found some jeans for 7$!

i made some hot chocolate from the packets my family bought in italy!

in parting: please don't be fooled by my cynical tone.

life is decent.

love you all <3

 

thor-a claus.

christmas has come to apartment 123.
and christmas brought thor-a claus.
that's right: our life size thor cut out is now sporting a beard and a santa hat.

and he's moved to our front window.

guys. (said with an extra dose of exasperation.)

1. people have reacted quite well,  leaving us notes and recomposed christmas songs in regards to the 'creep santa' in our window. 
2. i still dont like the fact that we have a seven foot tall cardboard man in our dorm...but...
3. now that he's propped against the window, our living room feels huge! (you know, the way it should have been all semester.)
4. i'll admit: hes much more tolerable when i don't have to see him standing in the middle of the freaking hall when i use the bathroom in the middle of the night.

we also bought stockings and hung them from the ceiling. << that was my idea.
it's pretty cool.
oh! 
and we ordered a 3$ christmas tree on amazon.
(also my idea.)

shout out to the random freak singing in the stairwell as i'm writing this.

dude.

shut up. 

also, we (my roommates and i) decorated our living room wall.

it's labeled: forever alone because...

it sounds self incriminating and derogatory...but it's really just so hilarious.

and scarily accurate.

reasons include:

"cooties"

"i'm scared of boys"

"'fun' gives me anxiety"
"incapable of flirting"
"antisocial"
"i'd rather be on netflix"
"fictional characters have given me unrealistic expectations of men"
the whole wall is full of these awesome little post it note reasons.
i know, i know. only people with a twisted sense of humor (such as myself) would find this more funny than it is pathetic.

anyway.
while you're here, you might notice holy sexy blog. tabs and a music player have been added.

correct.

(music player is at the top of the blog- it doesn't play automatically though; that would've been obnoxious. but i feel like i picked some pretty good songs so...go for it.)

some random kailey advice/good to know tidbits.

• buy some pepper spray.
• the dollar store sells some quality christmas decorations.
• if you ever wanted to win my love? just buy me ice cream. 
• or do my dishes 

• i've said it before, i'll say it again:  always keep back up chapsticks nearby.
• sometimes the elders quorum will stop by to check up on you and your roommates. it's just going to be awkward. there's no avoiding it.
• just start listening to christmas music already! seriously. resistance=weakness.
• if you are reading this and are currently in high school: ditch class. all the time. as much as you possibly can without dropping your grades. just do it. trust me.
• maybe get your friends to call in and pretend to be your mother.
• not that i've ever participated in such silliness..
• who am i kidding?! that was one of my shining moments. 

love you all.
p.s- i think it's been scientifically proven or something that if you follow my blog your attractivness increases 413%
or something like that.  

stop it.

my halloween was lovely,  thanks for asking...
no, those were not real piercings...
but seriously guys, even if they were real?  who cares?!

look. it's basically my self-proclaimed mission in life to help people:

1. realize: it's okay to have a bad day once in a while. seriously. 
2. stop judging people because of the way they look, or the stereotype they associate with.

to help illustrate my point... 

 

 

if you were to see one of these two girls out and about, let's take a guess at what the general, at first glance assumptions would be.

girl on the left: probably a high school drop out. never listens to her parents. no doubt a bad influence.  this girl has definitely done drugs. she is on the fast path to failure.

girl on the right: what a wholesome girl! honor roll student! it's safe to say she goes to church every week. she probably does volunteer work with underprivileged children!

am i right?

oh. wait! it's the same girl.

guess what?

i am a pessimist. i'm not always happy. i complain, a lot. i make bad decisions, make mistakes. i swear in different languages! i'm ridiculously far from being perfect.

but!

i go to church every week. i have a testimony, and i havent missed a single day of scripture reading in 5 years. i have a solid job. i'm in college- byu of all places!

i consider myself to be a good person.

i have gay friends. they date people of the same gender. they make bad decisions, make mistakes.  

but! 

they are some of the nicest people i know. they're funny. they are normal people. they are supportive, they are better friends than most of my non-gay, lds friends!  

they are good people.

i have friends who swear.  i have friends who are atheists. i have friends who struggle with depression. i have friends who don't get along with their families. i have friends who make mistakes. i have friends who have tattoos. i have friends who have crazy  piercings. i have friends who drink. i have friends who smoke. i have friends who've done drugs. they make bad decisions. 

they are good people.

you guys.

we are all trying our best. 

everyone is going through tough things- even if we can't always see them. 

even if they look like they have it all together.

no one is perfect.

we all make mistakes. every single one of us. 

your mistakes are no better than anyone elses mistakes! 

try a little harder, be a little nicer.

actually get to know a person before you decide if they are good or not.

when you judge people, you're only hurting yourself- losing potentially incredible friends.

who cares if people make bad choices? you've probably made a few of your own. 

people are allowed to mess up.

that's the only way we learn how to not mess up.

thank you for listening to my rant. 

i love you all!

stay adorable!