winning life: roommates and march madness for dummies.

perhaps you are confused. why does the title of this post claim to have march madness information for sports dummies?
you're probably thinking: oh, the irony! isn't kailey, like, the sports dummy?

1. first of all, rude. 
2. but, fine. a little bit true.
3. for your information: i love march madness. 
4. (no. i still do not like basketball.)

anyway.
why do i love march madness so much?

i love to win.
it's what i do.
mostly i just like prizes.
my family has a yearly march madness competition. my daddy offers a 50$ prize.
i still remember the day he first offered that beautiful 50$. it was like, all of a sudden: i cared about money sports.

and, i'll have you know: i won that year.
so. in case you're like i used to be, and really couldn't care less about sports, but have suddenly found yourself interested in some friendly march madness competition...
i'm about to share all of my best "how to win march madness" strategies. (they've been almost proven fairly successful. so there's that.

when creating a march madness bracket, i would urge you to consider the following:

1. look at the little number beside the team. (on the bracket.) (i never claimed to be competent in sports terminology.) like, okay, if you have a 9 team going against a 1 team..."we're number one!" isn't this just obvious?
2. maybe you choose to forgo the little numbers; cool. i like to live on the edge too. the next important thing to consider is team colors. pick the team who has better colors.
3. shoot! you like both teams colors? easy. which team lives in a warmer place?  which one is closer to a beach?
4. lastly- and use this one at your own risk, because its test results have yet to be seen- which teams state would you rather vacation in?

now!
moving on to bigger and better things:

my roommate and i were texting each other today, and i really thought what we came up with was too valuable not to share.
so, i give you....

how to get along with your roommates, for dummies!

1. roommates that eat together, stay together. <3
2. boys cause unnecessary problems. not that we would really know. just go on dates with your roommates.
3. get super lucky and end up with a roommate that likes to clean the bathroom. do your part and tackle the leaning tower of dishes when cleaning checks come around.
4. respect bedtimes. this includes but is not limited to: no screaming in the stairwells at 2 am.
5. constantly re-decorate with random dollar store finds. the dollar store outings are great bonding time.
6. skip ward activities sometimes. oh gosh, i'm a sinner. your roommates are your family.
7. one man is enough. as long as he is made out of cardboard. and dresses up for each holiday.
8. if you all share one bathroom, and someone is in the shower but you literally have never had to pee so badly in your life, its okay to ask permission to use the toilet. heck. maybe even make up a secret knock that means : "hi, i'm coming in to pee."
9. sharing is caring. share in each others successes. everything anyone in the apartment does contributes to the overall success of all the roommates. so duh... every time one of you succeeds? you should probably all reward yourselves.
•  for example: sweet! kassidy got an a on her econ test? we'd better all go buy brownies. 
10.  be fine tuned in the art of knowing your roommates thoughts. this could come in handy during apples to apples. ewww. games. at least we won. (play it safe and always choose food related cards). winning games is nice because: as previously mentioned, you've got to reward success.
11. keep a mental list of things that should be free and/or reasons that boys have it easier than girls. this will give you a common point of complaint that is not each other.
12. make your roommates delicious food every once in a while. you don't need a reason. delicious food is the reason.
13. just accept the fact that sometimes you might have to gain your freshman 15 in one night. eating french fries. it's probably worth it. you'll jog across campus later to get to your car and that'll cancel everything out....right?? (just to be clear- i didn't actually gain 15 pounds. so.)
14. bond with your roommates by texting them little updates about your day. especially all the awkward moment stories. (its fine if they don't reply.) this will at least give you the warmth of knowing that you made your roommate chuckle.
15. dont be afraid to be weird with your roommates. if you all flirt with your food (yes, flirt with your food) enough... eventually you might be surprised to find that: you've actually acquired some valuable social skills!
16. disregard the opinions of those not living in the apartment. irrelevant! unimportant!
17. go to lots of dances even if you suck at dancing and have a fear of socializing. it might not be fun, but the awkward stories will be priceless.
18. passive agressively plan out your revenge on loud neighbors before you go to bed every night. even though you'll never follow through with the brilliance you discuss,  it just feels good to get it out there. 
19. if a boy wont stop bothering your roommate: keep yourself between them and your roommate. that's true love. 
20. if you and one roommate have to fake a bathroom break because of anxiety, and you leave the other roommate socializing and helpless: don't actually go to the bathroom. immediately begin making an escape plan for the roommate left behind.

i promise: these work.
my roommates and i have never even had an argument.
but that could just be because we are perfect.
just kidding.
sort of.

anyway. now i'm off to class. (booooooo.)

good luck with all of your roommate and march madness adventures, cutie pies!
<3

***roommate advice cowritten/texted by kassidy manuel.***