anyway. i'm feeling nostalgic (what else is new?) so i thought i'd make a list of what each of the past twelve months has taught me.
***i apologize in advance okay, i have a lot to say***
september taught me that i can do hard things. i can do scary things. i'll probably cry a little bit (or a lot; throw back to the night before my mom left after flying with me to paris) but i can do things that i never thought i would want to or have the opportunity to do. (so can you, btw.)
october taught me that differences are important. i think that the best way to truly understand yourself is by finding yourself in other people.
november taught me that, even from thousands of miles away, my parents will be there for me. like, even if i find myself stuck in amsterdam because of a train strike. i remember thinking, the night that my dad had to help me find tickets back to paris, if my dad on earth loves me this much, how much must my father in heaven love me? i mean, no one does more for me than my parents, no one wants more for me than my parents. november taught me that my heavenly father loves me even more than that.
december taught me that visiting new places will teach you more than you can imagine about yourself, about other people, and about life in general. a classroom simply cannot teach you how life-changing the hamburgers in australia are, or the crepes in france are, or the stroopwafel in amsterdam is. a classroom cannot teach you how it feels to walk into a french pharmacy and explain, in french, to the pharmacist what your symptoms are. a classroom will never teach you how it feels to ride a ferry and look at the thousands of jelly fish below you, or how, even if you're not an art person, you'll probably love the louvre and the orsay at least a little bit. if you really want to learn something, hop on a plane and prepare for your life to change a little bit.
january taught me that sometimes, getting out of bed in the morning feels like running a marathon, and if that's the best you can do, just keep holding on, because you are a fighter and you can do this. january taught me that you never know what people are going through. january taught me to go out of your way and be kind because you just n e v e r k n o w.
february taught me that it really doesn't matter what you're doing, but who you're doing it with. february taught me that maybe some people don't deserve your love, but you're going to love them anyway. february also taught me that real friends do not get jealous when they see you happy.
march taught me that when it comes down to it, if someone isn't willing to make time for you, they don't deserve your time. if someone wants you in their life then they will make an effort to keep you there. even if they have a full time freaking job okay? don't waste your time on someone who says they are too busy for you. that's a pathetic excuse and you deserve better.
april was like my own personal hell
may taught me that, while running away probably isn't the solution, sometimes it's the best way to clear your head. change up your scenery, send a postcard, eat foreign food until you feel like your stomach can't possibly hold anymore; escape real life for a little bit. you deserve a break once in a while.
june taught me the importance of talking. talk about your problems until you can't possibly come up with anything new to say about them. talk until you run out of words, and when you think you've run out of of things to say, keep talking. all of those words have been floating around in your brain for so long, they need to escape so that your brain can hold new ones. kinder ones. happier ones. it might take a long time, but be patient; you'll get there.
july taught me that america is actually a great place to be. driving with the windows down blasting country music and singing at the top of your lungs is a lot more therapeutic than you might think. july also taught me too keep trying. just because one thing doesn't work, doesn't mean something different won't. you will figure things out eventually.
august. gosh. what didn't august teach me? august taught me that even though the things you go through seem hard, you probably could have gone through much worse. maybe what you went through was the easiest way for you to have learned something. sure, life seems hard as heck sometimes... but i promise that everything happens for a (good) reason. august taught me that you don't always need answers. it's okay to float along and wait for life to happen. august taught me that karma is real, even though it sure does seem to take its time. august taught me that speaking up is important. august taught me that forgiving someone does not mean allowing them to be a part of your life. you deserve better than to live in your past. it's okay to move on.
this year taught me that
everything happens for a reason, even if you don't always understand that reason.and more importantly: when life knocks you on your knees, it might not be a bad idea stay there and pray until you are strong enough to stand back up.
here's what i've learned about life: mediocrity is deliciously, temptingly easy. some days, i'm sure i'd be completely content to live life at like, a 6 out of 10 on the goodness scale, you know? like, i don't need great days, and i don't want awful days; decent days are my comfort zone. unfortunately, you don't learn much from sub par. i think it's safe to say that some of life's most important lessons come from the 1 out of 10 days and the 10 out of 10 days.
so... i could probably turn this post into a short novel with all of the things i still have to say, but i will refrain. if anyone needs me, i'll just be drowning my 'a year ago i was starting the happiest adventure of my life and now im stuck in provo' sorrows in some brownies or something.
okay.
sorry; i'm a rambler.
love you all.
<3
