on bullying, and just being kind in general.

so, remember in elementary school, when everyone and their dogs were constantly proclaiming themselves as anti-bullies, because a zero bullying policy was just kind of the cool thing to say you were into?

but like, despite all of the no bullying assemblies and the golden rule poster hanging in the front of your dingy, smells-like-dirty-kids-in-a-too-small classroom, you probably felt bullied a little bit, at some point, right? because that's just what happens when you are a human:
people say mean things to you, and hurt your feelings, and you say mean things, and hurt feelings and maybe it wasn't even intentional, but, it happened.

and then you went to middle school and high school, and those were kind of awful too. i mean, they weren't all bad, (shout out to the free period i had senior year) but like, there was probably someone at some point that you dreaded seeing, at least just a tiny bit..

a teacher,
a friend,
a boy,
a girl,
some kid who seemed to hate you for no apparent reason,
...the bus driver?
[idk.]

but you dealt with it, cause that's what humans do.
we suck it up and we deal.

and then you graduated, and you were like, sweet. done with that crap hole, praise the heavens.

only to find out, that wow.
people in the real world, are still people. and sometimes people aren't very nice. and there's probably still someone or something that you wake up dreading. because: life.
what a crappy realization that was, amiright?

but, so, anyway.
i was internetting the other day, and i came across this gem:

thank you.

why is everything a competition? why are we constantly comparing what we have to what other people have to what we could have to what they might have to what blah blah blah.

i mean. 

why can't we just be nice, you know?

why can't we just be kind and real and honest and why can't we be happy for people, even if they have things we don't have? [don't get me wrong, i'm guilty of it too, because #human. but. i feel like it's pathetic and we, as humans, should work on this.]

~like, i really think all of us can work on this~

the ones using people, ignoring feelings; other people's and their own,

the ones focused on how things look, rather than how things are,

the ones saying mean things out of jealousy,

the ones who can't be happy unless they're on top,

the ones with guns (whether those guns be words, or actual guns with bullets and harmful intentions),

the ones egging houses and keying cars,

the ones typing hurtful things that they'd never say,

the ones saying hurtful things that they'd never want said,

the ones lying about where they go to school, or how they feel, or what they want,

the ones playing with hearts and messing with heads, 

the ones disappearing from lives without an explanation because confrontation is scary, 

the ones who don't realize how valuable something as simple as their company is,

the ones who are scared; of being hurt, of commitment, of feeling, of leaving the house,

the ones who are depressed, or anxious, or sick, or different, 

the ones who bully and the ones who are bullied; 

               heck, maybe they're the same person.

goodness, we throw our words around as if they are less than the power to change everything.
we wake up, and we make the easy choices, the less scary choices, and we end up being responsible for somebody's lack of love, and we don't even realize it. we don't even realize it.
we don't even realize the power we have in the things we say and write. in the way our hands help and our eyes notice and our hearts swell.

we don't even realize.

i'm not saying it's intentional [and if it is, shame on you.]
i'm just saying: sometimes, the general population....well, we aren't very nice. 

i'm just saying, let's learn to be happy for people,
let's remember that we're all trying to make it,
and that trying looks different for everyone,
and that, yeah, our goals may look different, but when it comes down to it, isn't our goal the same? don't we just want to love and to be loved and to find happiness?

people are fragile, and maybe that water damaged, faded, laminated golden rule hanging in the back of your 1st grade classroom didn't seem like much back when you were 6, but it was and it is and it forever will be.
i mean.....
just: treat other people the way you want to be treated. 

gosh, i don't know, you guys.
i'm just saying.
k?

applying knowledge.

so, it has recently been brought to my attention, that there might be slight irony in the fact that: i speak multiple languages, but i don't actually...you know, speak proportionally to the amount of words i probably have in my head.

that's a valid point.
nothing to argue there.
i just thought it was funny; it's true. you'd think i'd speak up a bit more, considering all of the little words partying up in my brain...
it's not that i don't have a lot to say. i do have a lot to say. no but like holy cow, sometimes i just have so. much. to say. 
i'm just very selective about the thoughts i actually voice.
i'm working on it.
really.

but okay.
something exciting happened.

so we all know i speak french.
i also speak spanish.
also i've taken a couple of years of asl.

i think, if you were to have asked me, say, 10 hours ago, i would have been like: yeah the likelihood that i'll ever put those 2 years of asl to use is about -4 out of 10.

but then today, life was like: lololol. surprise, kailey.

{a quick tangent about freaking life and its surprises: have you ever noticed how, life will give you exactly what you think you don't want/aren't prepared for/didn't see coming... and then you'll learn to deal with it, and life will be like, lol, k, here comes the next surprise ! life is such a brat. yo, calm down on the sass, dude.}

so anyway. we have a new deaf lady in our ward.
[she's so so super nice.]
and so i saw her in the hallway at church today, and introduced myself (with what minimal asl knowledge i have retained over the year it's been since i've practiced.)
then. she was like hey, wanna help me out and try and interpret for me during relief society ?

*gulp*
um...like, okay how do you feel about a whole. lot. of finger spelling ?
because that happened. a whole freakin lot of finger spelling.
omg you guys. it was such a train wreck. i mean, i definitely got the main points across... but.

1. yes, there was a lot of finger spelling. a lot. and you know, that was made particularly difficult by the fact that my hands were shaking with the vigor of a "10 on the richter scale" earthquake.
2. like did i even learn anything during those two years ? wait, what's the sign for woman again ? but hey, thanks byu. definitely remembered the sign for scriptures. and book of mormon. and prophet. #gocougs
3. did you know: apparently there's a bit of confusion in my head somewhere. my brain is all like : oh ! foreign language. asl....french....close enough. there were all kinds of wacky translations jumping around in my head. oh la la. 
4. so now i'm thinking about auditing some asl classes this summer...yay for school...
5. definitely forgot i was interpreting for someone, closed my eyes, folded my arms, and neglected to interpret the first half of the prayer. #shame. (don't worry; we figured it out real quick.)
6. thank goodness for sharie, who was my interpreting buddy, we roughed it out together. emphasis on the rough.  

so. 
i think, maybe the moral of the story here, is that actually, some of the things you learn in school will eventually come in handy, and you probably won't see it coming, and you probably will wish you had paid better attention in class.

~or~

(maybe the actual moral here is that you're capable of getting through tricky situations decently enough regardless of how many classes you skip, and how much actual knowledge you are lacking because of it...i like that moral better...)

i felt so useful though...like hi, good thing my life goal is basically to overload on the language classes. shout out to all the kids who've ever thought i was a freak for doing that.
(no, but it's okay, i am kind of a freak. #embracingit)

okay.
so. i hope you all get an unexpected opportunity soon to help someone even though you feel 100% completely inadequate and unprepared.
it's kind of fun. (it's also kind of terrifying, and you might not realize you were capable of sweating and shaking that much. ew.)

also if you'd all pray for the finals i have to take this week....i'd love that. thanks.
stay cute mes amis.
<3

(also, update with the allergic reaction craziness: we still aren't quite sure what i'm allergic to... but i can breathe again. the hives are mostly gone...and i have a cute little epipen that i get to bring everywhere with me now, just in case, you know, i stop breathing again.)
(but honestly, with my intense fear of needles...i'd probably end up dying. like: k, stab myself with the epipen and breathe...or avoid the needle and possibly die....no, please...not the needle......*dead*) (i'm like 99% sure i wouldn't be able to stab myself and i'd just let myself die. but hey, hopefully it never comes to that.)

(here, i've added this photo, so in case it ever does come to that, you'll all have been briefed and will be capable of stabbing me. you might save my life. thanks.)

k.
loveyoubyeforrealthistime.
<3

hives.

so you know, i'll admit: at first i was totally like, sweet, allergic reaction. better seek medical attention. maybe this will get me out of class!

no.
i have since changed my mind.

oh ! and.
faq: what exactly is your body reacting to?
we're not one hundred percent sure. so that's cool.

1. do you even know how unpleasant hives are ? so many hives. hives everywhere. itch itch itch itch.  
• oh look, they've spread to my face, do these hives make my eyes pop? probably.
• oooh, hives on my fingers. that makes typing and texting and test taking super. super. interesting. i just want to be able to bend my fingers all the way again, you know?
• great! hives on the bottoms of my feet. walking. no. 
• a personal favorite might be the hives that started popping up in my mouth. or the ones in my ears. "sorry, what did you say? couldn't hear you through my hives..."
2. hives are even more unpleasant while you're trying to take finals. fyi.
3. hospitals. i hate them. mostly i hate the shots that they give me there. did you know i'm terrified of shots? like completely, irrationally, debilitatingly scared of shots. like "sorry, hun, we have to give you a shot. this one might be a bit painful..." annnnd bam. tears everywhere. it didn't even hurt that bad, calm down kailey. (to be fair, i was actually pretty calm. hard to be freaking out too much when you're going into shock...)
4. you know what's really special ? waking up and realizing: holy cow...i really miss oxygen. i want oxygen. why am i not getting oxygen. #hivesinmythroat?
5. 5 benadryls later, and nothing. (by nothing, i mean no pleasant changes. not nothing as in no hives, because those babies are still in full force.)
6. hives are apparently very persistent. a bunch of hospital visits, shots, steriods, zyrtec, xanax, benadryl, and allegra later, still here. and going quite strong, might i add.
7. "weird, we've never seen a reaction quite like this one!" well of course you haven't ! #bouchercurse.
8. if i wear tight clothes, they rub my hives. if i wear loose clothes, they tickle my hives. so....like i just shouldn't wear clothes ? pretty sure that's against the honor code.
9. apparently being covered in revolting hives increases your likelihood of seeing everyone you know every time you have to leave the house. i'd like to make a public apology to anyone and everyone who might have seen my "homeless no makeup covered in hives just came from the hospital and haven't actually done my hair yet" look yesterday. i'm so, so sorry. that's the stuff nightmares are made of. 
10. another faq: can i do anything for you?
• yes. i'd like a magic pill to get rid of my symptoms, and someone to take all of my tests and go to all of my classes for me.
• also food please, because when you're taking this many pills, you really really don't want to have an empty stomach. learned that one the hard way.(but don't worry, my mom seems to have this one covered.)
• entertain me. except wait. jk, lol, i can't actually move. oh my gosh. allergic reactions are major joy killers.

so anyway. that's my update. 
don't worry, i'm like 99% sure i'm not dying. (and the other 1 percent is mostly just like no actually, please kill me, i hurt.)

...thank goodness for ice packs amiright?

basically what i'm trying to say, i guess, is: this week when you're all complaining about how awful the end of the semester/finals/essays and all that junk are....just remember: at least you're not going through the allergic reaction from you know where. (h***)

[you know. i'm all about that optimism.]

k. good luck with finals everyone.
<3