i'm back in america.
and i'm sorry, i know at this point you're all so sick of my incessant blog postage, but like... really i don't even care. deal with it.
confession : i super miss blogging every day. i feel so untethered, not having to constantly update my blog so that my mom can keep up with my life.
because now that i'm in america, i basically just chill with my mom. all. the. time. nbd.
people keep getting mad at me.
people keep treating me like i'm a spoiled entitled white girl, because when they ask me "does it feel so good to be back home?" i respond with an honest "no."
....wait what ?
no, i'm really not thrilled to be back in utah.
let me explain.
it's like, i had a whole different life in paris.
i rode the rer every day, i took classes in museums, i had metro lines memorized, i knew where to find all the best bathrooms, and where to buy all of the best food.
i spoke french with french people and i was constantly surrounded by some of the things and the places that i love the most in the world.
i lived in the suburbs with a cute little french couple. chilled at the eiffel tower, and the louvre, the tuileries, and montmartre in my spare time, just because i could.
and then one day,
it was just,
over.
and i'm still not really sure how to deal with that.
it still doesn't feel real.
my mind can't grasp the fact that kaileyinparis no longer exists.
that rer riding, french speaking, hot chocolate drinking girl...
that part of my life is just...done.
what ?
imagine if one day, you woke up in a completely different place, with a completely different schedule, in a completely different time zone, with completely different people, living a completely different way of life.
i feel untethered.
i feel mal à l'aise.
i feel tired. #jetlag (no but really, i wake up at 4am ready for lunch, by the time 6pm rolls around, i'm ready to sleep so hard. when will the jetlag end???)
please don't get me wrong, i love my family. i love my dog. i love my car, and i love that i can run down to costco and get free samples. i love that there are bathrooms everywhere, and i love the utah mountains...
but it's all so unreal at this point.
people keep smiling at me, and i keep not smiling back. because you don't do that in france.
i kind of panicked in walmart the other day because it was not carrefour, and why was everything so big ?
i get a little bit annoyed because i can't just hop on a train that'll take me wherever i want to go.
i miss my two euro coins.
i feel like kaileyinparis must still be happening without me somehow, because it's just too weird to think that that's over.
i'm scared that i'm forgetting french, so i basically just blast the french tunes and read french books all day long.
i'm sorry.
no one wants to read about my readjustment to america.
but i had to vent.
i know you're all rolling your eyes every time i get emotional over paris. i know. and i know you can't fully understand why i'm so sad to be home. but i left a
does that even make sense ?
probably not. we'll blame it on the jet lag.
basically my new goal in life is to learn how to make awesome macarons.
and hey, honestly, despite how it may sound, i'm really not going to complain too hard, because : australia in 5 days.
(i take it back. my new goal in life is to hold a koala.)
so. to sum it all up:
readjusting is hard.
le retour à la realité est compliqué.
i super miss paris, and my body is so confused...
but it has been nice to see all of my cute little americans.
and i'm beyond thrilled because : hello christmas in australia.
also, i'd just like to make a public apology for the thousands of pictures i'm in the process of posting on facebook. gotta store them all somewhere.
thanks for tolerating me, mes amis.
oh. p.s- check out my sweet christmas tree :
<3
oh. p.s- check out my sweet christmas tree :
